Session 34

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BRITPOD

Righty then, here we are again, a week and a bit to go until the big day, enjoy and thanks to everyone who has been sending in pics and stuff for the xmas special. Remember, if you have something festive and funny, send it to therapysessions@gmx.com.

Enjoy

SONG OF THE DAY
It's almost Christmas and this has to be the second best Christmas song of all time!

PICS

If you can't see the image properly, click on it

where does the spoon come into it?

I'm with the third fella

Fucking aye

Every time I see setting concrete I cant help but make a little dent lol

available now

Good luck with that

No surrender!

Dirty fucker

Hard one

If parents would only learn

Sad but true

Now you know

he looks adopted anyways!

oh dear

I'm lovin it!

Just look at your ex-partners!!

Therapy Sessions is run by a ferret

Who'da funk it

Gotcha

Twisted world

Do it now

Not very nice now is it

To catch a predator in 60 years

Wrong or extremely right lol

You know it!

nom nom

Kill yourself

I want one

It has been known

If you're the first to know then there is problems

Thank fuck

sexist fucking bar

either one is complete shite!

Now go take a shower

kill the bitch

It's an olden but still funny

True

It's true

lol

fucking blue balls!

GIFS

If the GIF isn't moving, click on it

almost Laurel and Hardy

Ass punching a moose! Who'da thought it!

Shaq pleasing the fans

Clever cat

lol

imagine slipping at the last moment

check the dude out underneath the girls lol

Take that

tit

wipe-out

jumpy

classic

ass over tit

the fella is not amused lol

good kid

AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad:
Help me! I'm in desperate need of a Blu-ray player. I don't have a lot of money so if you want to give me one for free, that would be great. In return I will say many prayers for you! Please e-mail me @ ***********@verizon.net

From Me to ***********@verizon.net:

Hey there,

I have an old Blu-Ray player I don't use anymore. Are you interested?

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

Yes I am very much interested! What brand is the player and is it free?

From Me to Cathy ********:

Cathy,

It is a Samsung player, and whether it is free or not depends on you...how many prayers are we talking about here?

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

I will say many prayers for you!

From Me to Cathy ********:

Yeah, I got that. Specifically, how many prayers? This Blu-Ray player wasn't cheap. I'm thinking, 50 Our Fathers and 50 Hail Marys every day for a year. Does that sound good?

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

Mike, the quantity of prayers is not important - it is the sincerity and power of the prayer that matters. I will be genuinely thankful and show this through my prayers!

From Me to Cathy ********:

Sorry, but I'm not settling for anything less than 50 Our Fathers and 50 Hail Marys per day. The last guy I gave my plasma TV to gave me that "sincere prayer" crap but I don't it worked at all. My wife's breasts still aren't bigger and my lottery tickets still aren't winning. The only thing that matters is the amount of prayers that you say. It is your choice; 100 prayers a day or no blu-ray player.

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

I think you are misunderstanding the purpose of prayer. Surely you can't expect me to say that many prayers - it would take all day!

From Me to Cathy ********:

I'm willing to cut you a deal, Cathy. I'll only ask for 50 prayers a day, but in return, you have to come say grace whenever I eat dinner. I'll accept you saying grace for me over the phone if I happen to be eating at a drive-thru fast food place.

I'll also throw in my copy of "Drag Me to Hell" on Blu-Ray.

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

Please stop. You are being preposterous.

From Me to Cathy ********:

Cathy,

My apologies. I guess you are right, I am asking for a bit too much. Here's what I'll do. I'll go by what my priest made me do the last time I confessed to stealing a Blu-Ray player. He made me say 20 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers, but I think the Our Fathers were because I pistol-whipped a guy while I was stealing it. Since I didn't have to pistol-whip anyone this time, I'll give it to you for only 20 Hail Marys. How does this sound? This is practically face value in prayer.

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

Oh my lord, you have lost your mind! I will get a bluray player elsewhere.

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

ADVERTS OF OLD
A selection of ads that wouldn't stand up to todays crowd

FAIL

A short collection of FAILS from the week

COMIC STRIP

JOKES

I phoned my work this morning and said, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough."
He said, "You have a wee cough?"
I said, "Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!"


I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig.
It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.


Eastenders is just so unrealistic.
An Indian family actually planning to go home?


I took a vase to get valued on the Antiques Roadshow, and they told me it was 'absolutely priceless'.
Well, I got 4 quid for it at a car boot sale last weekend. Who's laughing now?



I don't mind lesbians, actually.
They're still women who won't sleep with me, but at least it's nothing personal.



"Honey, I'm home!"
You know you're a lonely fucker when all you have to announce your arrival to is preserves.



Santa is a fucking cunt.
He gives more expensive gifts to the wealthier children.

VIDEOS

  ALMOST THERE, KEEP SMILING

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