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BRITPOD
ho ho ho, merry Christmas to everyone who needs Therapy. Another week and its all gone tinsily on us!
We have the noraml setup with Christmas related junk sliped in theree for good measure. If you're Jewish and would like to make a complaint for the lack of Chanukah related crap, please write to:
Auschwitz
ul. Wiezniow Oswiecimia 20
32-603 Oswiecim
Polska
Have a good one whatever you do and We'll see you next week.
Enjoy...
SONG OF THE DAY
PICS
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GIFS
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SIMPSON CHRISTMAS CARDS
A year by year collection of future Christmas cards from the Simpson family!
A year by year collection of future Christmas cards from the Simpson family!
AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!
DON'T EVEN REPLY
Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist
Original ad:
I need a dishwasher dont care what color so long as it is a good working dishwasher that is cheap. I have a truck and can pick it up if necessary.
From me to ********@*********.org:
Hello! My name Miguel, I am good working dishwasher. I work at Ricardo's Pizza as dishwasher for 5 years- me top dishwasher. Leave your dishes very clean and work for cheap. I have no driving license. You pick up, yes?
Miguel
From John ******* to Me:
haha I want a dishwashing machine not a person who washes dishes. thanks though.
From Me to John *******:
Yes, I wash dishes like machine...even better! You want, yes?
From John ******* to Me:
No! No want!
I want THIS
That is called a DISHWASHER. I don't want a porto rican who washes dishes!
From Me to John *******:
Oh noooo, I no Puerto Rican. Puerto Ricans very bad dishwashers - no work ethic. I Mexican - very good work ethic! You no worry, Miguel wash all dishes on time, with pride!
Is that your dishwash machine? I use sink and soap but can use machine too.
Miguel
From John ******* to Me:
NO dude I want to BUY a machine. i dont know if i can be any clearer. you dont understand me do you?
From Me to John *******:
No worry, I leave dishes clear, clean and sparkle!
Miguel
From John ******* to Me:
dude you obviously have trouble reading english. here. i used a translater.
NO QUIERO CONTRATARLE. QUIERO COMPRAR UNA APLICACIÓN DEL LAVAPLATOS.
you comprende?
From Me to John *******:
que?
From John ******* to Me:
oh for crying out fucking loud dude why did i even bother
fuck this
WHAT YOU SENT IN
Here are the best/worst of what you guys sent in. Cheers
FACEBOOK
This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook
FREAKY CHRISTMAS CARDS
People actually went out of their way to make these phots and send them to their loved ones!!!
FAIL
A short collection of FAILS from the week
A VERY JAMES BOND CHRISTMAS
A selection of misfits with the theme of James Bond at Christmas
COMIC STRIP
CHRISTMAS CRACKER JOKES
What school subject are snakes best at?
Hisstory
What do you call a crazy golfer?
A crack put
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck
What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
Auld Fang Syne
What is black and white and noisy?
A zebra with a drum kit
What's the fastest thing in water?
A motor pike
What lies in a pram and wobbles?
A jelly baby
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A doyouthinkhesawus
What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
What kind of sweet goes swinging through the jungle?
Tarzi-pan
What's the most popular gardening magazine in the world?
Weeder's digest!
What do you get if you cross an orange with a comedian?
Peels of laughter
What would you get if all the cars in Britain were red?
A red carnation
What is green and stands in the corner?
A naughty frog
How do monkeys make toast?
Stick some bread under the gorilla
What do you get if you cross a cowboy with an octopus?
Billy the squid
What do you get if you cross a hen with a bedside clock?
An alarm cluck.
Where are the Andes?
On the end of the armies
Who wrote the book, The Awful Comedown?
Lucy Lastick
Why can't a bike stand up by itself?
Because it's two-tired
Why did the chicken cross the football pitch?
Because the referee whistled for a fowl
Why do you call your dog Metal-worker?
Because every time he hears a knock he makes a bolt for the door
Why is Europe like a frying pan?
Because it has Greece at the bottom
What's ET short for?
Because he's only got little legs
Why are chocolate buttons rude?
Because they are Smarties in the nude
What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible
What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?
Bring on their subs
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Wayne.
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger…
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick-layer
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th
Why do birds fly south in winter?
Because it's too far to walk
How does Jack Frost get to work?
By icicle
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Wenceslas.
Wenceslas who?
Wenceslas train home?
Why did the footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?
He was the skipper
What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
The juve-niles
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By Norse code
What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Floodlights
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy red red robin comes bob bob bobbin along…
How do you hire a horse?
Stand it on four bricks
What do ghosts eat?
Spookgetti
What do hedgehogs eat?
Prickled onions
What do you call two robbers?
A pair of knickers
What cereals do cats like?
Mice Crispies
* That's a joke, too
Hisstory
What do you call a crazy golfer?
A crack put
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck
What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
Auld Fang Syne
What is black and white and noisy?
A zebra with a drum kit
What's the fastest thing in water?
A motor pike
What lies in a pram and wobbles?
A jelly baby
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A doyouthinkhesawus
What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
What kind of sweet goes swinging through the jungle?
Tarzi-pan
What's the most popular gardening magazine in the world?
Weeder's digest!
What do you get if you cross an orange with a comedian?
Peels of laughter
What would you get if all the cars in Britain were red?
A red carnation
What is green and stands in the corner?
A naughty frog
How do monkeys make toast?
Stick some bread under the gorilla
What do you get if you cross a cowboy with an octopus?
Billy the squid
What do you get if you cross a hen with a bedside clock?
An alarm cluck.
Where are the Andes?
On the end of the armies
Who wrote the book, The Awful Comedown?
Lucy Lastick
Why can't a bike stand up by itself?
Because it's two-tired
Why did the chicken cross the football pitch?
Because the referee whistled for a fowl
Why do you call your dog Metal-worker?
Because every time he hears a knock he makes a bolt for the door
Why is Europe like a frying pan?
Because it has Greece at the bottom
What's ET short for?
Because he's only got little legs
Why are chocolate buttons rude?
Because they are Smarties in the nude
What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible
What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?
Bring on their subs
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Wayne.
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger…
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick-layer
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th
Why do birds fly south in winter?
Because it's too far to walk
How does Jack Frost get to work?
By icicle
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Wenceslas.
Wenceslas who?
Wenceslas train home?
Why did the footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?
He was the skipper
What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
The juve-niles
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By Norse code
What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Floodlights
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy red red robin comes bob bob bobbin along…
How do you hire a horse?
Stand it on four bricks
What do ghosts eat?
Spookgetti
What do hedgehogs eat?
Prickled onions
What do you call two robbers?
A pair of knickers
What cereals do cats like?
Mice Crispies
* That's a joke, too
VIDEOS
HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY CHANUKAH
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