Therapy Sessions mkii: May 2012

So we went trolling last week and it worked like a dream! NB, Robert Swan, Metal Mike/Mike Longford are all the same person.

So here’s the thing, a mate of ours band is called Sinnerz Street, they do hair metal rock and roll etc and they booked a gig at a bar in Brighton called the Hydrant. They asked us to make a poster for them so they could promote it etc so we did, and in keeping with the rock ‘n roll theme we decided to use a picture of Maddie McCann in the background.

We printed up a load of posters, flyers etc and that was that. Until we had a brain wave and thought a little bit of trolling would give the band some exposure so we wrote a letter from a ‘concerned’ citizen to the following and added the above flyer in there for good measure:

The Sun

The Telegraph

The Argus

Meridian Tonight

The Mail

The Mirror

The Independent

The letter was as follows:

Dear Mr Editor,

Last Friday I was walking through Brighton when a PR person handed me a leaflet advertising a local gig being held at The Hydrant in Brighton on the 1st of June.

Upon inspecting the leaflet I noticed that the image they had used to help promote their band was none other than Madeline McCann.

I was very shocked and appalled by the grotesque use of such a tragedy to promote the band Sinnerz Street.

I found their facebook page and again they have this image up promoting their concert.

http://www.facebook.com/Sinnerzstreet

I have added the leaflet they gave me so you can see for yourself how out of order this is. I feel it is my duty as a concerned citizen of Brighton to bring this to your attention as you have the ability to make this public and to name and shame those involved.

Your Faithfully,

Robert Swan

Concerned Citizen

Within a couple of days we got a couple of calls from journalists wanting to a quote or two. Naturally we told them that we were disgusted and appalled at the vulgar use of a poor girl who is getting repeatedly fucked by greasy old men.

The band (us) got an email from The Sun to which we promptly replied:

Hi,

I’m a new journalist at The Sun newspaper and have been contacted by people disgusted by your band’s use of missing girl Maddie McCann to promote your upcoming gig.

Could you please give me a call ASAP to discuss why you are using Maddie’s official police comfit. Perhaps you would like to offer a response to her parents.

We have spoken to The Hydrant who say they know nothing about the use of Maddie’s photo and do not condone it.

My mobile is 07795801128

Thanks

Lucy Carne

The Sun

“Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail”

The newpaper Marketing Agency: Opening Up Newspapers:

http://www.nmauk.co.uk/

Hi Lucy,

I’m Metal Mike, manager of Sinnerz Street. I have nothing to say to anyone, but will happily put the McCanns on the guest list.

MM \m/

The next day, we got a voice mail from The Telegraph

We called them back, gave them a quote and they said they were waiting to hear back from the McCann's press people before they ran a story.

The following day there was this:

Within 2 hours we get an email from the BBC wanting us to come on the radio and 'say sorry'.

So we put on an East End accent and went to town. How could we resist...

Thanks to our marketing campaign, it looks as though Sinnerz Street are now performing at The Albert in Brighton instead. When they told the owner of The Albert what happened, he pissed himself laughing and demanded that they play at his gig also on the 1st of June. So if you wanna go see a band who pisses off the world then go nuts

The only question left is what can we now do to up the stakes!! If you have any ideas let us know therapysessions@gmx.com

Additionally as we know the news likes to warp and re-write events and the funniest we found was on SkyNews with the headline 'Madeleine McCann advertises pub gig with a Brighton porn star'! Don't believe me, click this link to Sky News, its the forth article down.

http://mccannexposure.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/sinnerz-street-superimposed-play-details-over-age-progressed-image-of-madeleine-mccann/

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/9719163.Disgust_over_Brighton_band_s_Maddie_McCann_flyer/?ref=mmsp

http://missingmadeleine.forumotion.net/t20355-disgust-over-brighton-band-s-maddie-mccann-flyer

http://www.anorak.co.uk/323541/madeleine-mccann/madeleine-mccann-advertises-pub-gig-with-a-brighton-porn-star.html/

Also if you would like representation and need unprofessional but effective marketing, Therapy Sessions Marketing Solutions is now open for business.

So on with the show, enjoy...

SONG OF THE DAY
Only fitting with Mr Robin 'Karma' Gibb's passing away this week

PICS

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GIFS

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AUTOCORRECT
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NEW PRODUCTS, OLD ADVERTS
A selection of modern products advertised as it would be in ye' olde times!

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad:

Looking for permission to deer hunt (bow, shotgun) on a property in Bucks County.

I am a very responsible hunter. Willing to compensate you for your permission.

From Me to ************@**********.org

Hi there!

I will let you hunt in my backyard. I live in an area that is infested with deer. You are more than welcome to kill as many of those white-tailed bastards from hell as you want.

I only have one small favor to ask - let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From Dennis ********* to Me:

Mike,

Thank you. I only plan on bagging one or two deer. Is your property available this weekend? What is your favor?

Dennis

From Me to Dennis *********:

Dennis,

If you are concerned about not having enough room in your truck to bring the deer back, don't worry about it. You can just leave the pile of carcases in my backyard and I'll take care of them. I'll probably just drop them down my neighbor's well, or put them in my wood burner. Burning dead deer makes my house smell nice.

The one favor I am asking of you shouldn't be that much of a problem. My neighbor has this goddamn cat that always wanders into my yard at night and meows. It wakes me up and I am unable to fall back asleep. Also, I can't tell you how many times I have stepped in cat shit on my patio.

All I ask of you is that if you see my neighbor's cat wander into my yard, please blow that son-of-a-bitch straight to hell. Shotgun or crossbow, I don't care how you do it. Try to make it look like an accident though if my neighbor sees it happen.

This weekend is fine for me.

Mike

From Dennis ********* to Me:

How close is your neighbor's house? I was under the impression that you had a large plot of land.

I feel uncomfortable with the idea of killing your neighbor's cat. Sorry.

From Me to Dennis *********:

My neighbor's house is about 50 yards from my house. Why won't you kill the cat? Just pretend it is a deer.

From Dennis ********* to Me:

The cat is someone's pet that they love. I won't kill it. I am willing to compensate you some other way. Have you had a talk with your neighbor about your problems with their cat?

From Me to Dennis *********:

I don't believe this. A hunter that loves animals. Now I've seen everything. I can't talk to my neighbor - she has a restraining order on me from when I went over there and punted her cat like a football.

Seriously, if you kill the cat, my neighbor will have no idea. I was thinking - you said you had a bow and arrow, right? Would you be able to get those arrows with the explosive tip, like the ones Rambo uses? That would surely blow the cat into unrecognizable pieces and my neighbor would never even be able to find it.

From Dennis ********* to Me:

I'm fairly certain that those arrows are fictional. That is beyond the point because I am not shooting a cat. End of discussion.

From Me to Dennis *********:

Is this some kind of a joke? Are you from PETA? Just kill the goddamn cat and you can shoot all of the deer that you want. I'll even have the grill fired up so we can enjoy some freshly-killed venison.

Also, even if those arrows aren't real, they don't seem that hard to make. What about that thing that Arnold used in Predator? Didn't he just take grenade launcher rounds and tie them to an arrow? Try that. Do you have an M203? That would work even better.

From Dennis ********* to Me:

I'll find somewhere else to hunt, thanks.

From Me to Dennis *********:

I hope that while you are hunting, you miss your shot and accidentally kill a cat anyway, you pussy.

FACEBOOK

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GOLDMAN SACHS

Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.

#1 (on single at 40): Perfect. Divorcées chase me. Sweet spot for 30-somethings. And now rich enough to still get girls in their 20s.

#1: My favorite part of dinner with my fiancé is when she goes to the bathroom and I can check my Blackberry.

#1: People who are in position to, or smart enough to solve the European debt crisis don't have the time to debate it on Facebook.

#1: Still not bad enough for people to Occupy Detroit.

#1: I'll give $1mm to charity if u can get Dick Grasso to go outside the NYSE and yell, 'Do not pass go, do not collect $200.'

#1: He can't pull off Veneta loafers. #2: Certainly not with pleated pants.

#1: Drinking is bad, but feelings are worse.

#1: The Euro better fucking collapse. I have a 10-day Amalfi honeymoon to pay for next summer.

#1: Hermes ties are like Jordan's for white people.

#1: Rappers have been investing in gold and diamonds for years.

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FAIL

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SPACEDICKS
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JOKES

Just saw a poster with my face on a wall. Apparently I'm wanted for questioning.

Since when has that been a crime?

I read about these Siamese twins who are joined in the most disgusting place imaginable.

Pakistan.

I love Smirnoff Vodka but I'm shit scared to buy a bottle of it.

What if I actually do win tickets to a Madonna concert?

The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene,

but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

I asked a fortune teller to read my future. Suddenly, she went pale and sprinted from the room. So I grabbed the crystal ball, chased the bitch down and beat her to death.

I wonder what the fuck she saw in that thing.

Why do footballers like their wives to be tanned?

Because the darker they are, the less chance they have of getting fucked by John Terry.