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A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!
WORLDS LARGEST VEHICLE
This digger is fucking massive, end of!
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!
WORLDS LARGEST VEHICLE
This digger is fucking massive, end of!
DON'T EVEN REPLY
Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist
Original ad:
Collector looking for vintage scotch, rum, cognac, bourbon, etc. Willing to pay top dollar for fine bottles.
From Timmy Tucker to **********@**********.org
Hey there! I saw your ad on ********** and have some "vintage" liquor you may be interested in.
I have about half a handle of Captain Morgan's Rum, a rare vintage rum from the Caribbean. I bought this at a liquor store on Long Island in 2007, and believe that its taste has really aged to perfection. I am willing to sell this for $300.
I also have a very rare bottle of Aristocrat Tequila. You can taste the fine vintage in every sip. I acquired it from a friend who says he bought it at a liquor store in Baltimore in 2005. You can really taste that southern atmosphere in this one! Due to its rarity, I will sell this for $500.
Also, if you are interested, I have about half a case of vintage Natural Ice beer. It was acquired from a frat party I was at about a month ago. This frat has a very old history with Syracuse, and that history came with the beer. It doesn't get much more vintage than this. I will part with this at $50 per can.
I really hate to see this stuff go, but after my third DUI, the court ordered me to do a program that involves me staying sober, so I think it is best that I part with this rare liquor.
Please let me know if you are interested. I have several other buyers lined up, so I will need to know very soon.
Thanks,
Tim
From Evan ******* to Me
Tim,
You must be crazy to consider that bottom-end liquor "vintage." I am not interested and am insulted that you would even try to sell me such cheap liquor at such ridiculous prices.
Evan
From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******
Evan,
I am very disappointed that you are not interested in these vintage treasures. Every bottle and can I sell comes with priceless historic value. Please reconsider, because I don't think you will find an offer like this anywhere else.
- Tim
From Evan ******* to Me
Are you nuts? You want to sell me beer you stole from a frat, that is a month old, for $50 a can? I am NOT INTERESTED.
From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******
Evan,
I did not steal that beer, and I resent the accusation. Please reconsider purchasing this. I am a recovering alcoholic, and fear that I will drink again if I am unable to get rid of this booze. Please do not make me drink again!
Tim
From Evan ******* to Me
Why don't you just throw the booze away? You have problems, man.
From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******
WJKAJF EVAN U RUNED MY LIF. I DRNK ALL THE BOTTLE. U MADE ME CRSH MY CAR AND RUN AWAY NOW POLICE RJSGJKEW. WIFE IN HOSPTAL. i HATE U EVEN U DISTROY LIFE
FACEBOOK
This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook
THE GREAT PRETENDER
So here's the crack. Below is the picture of one Promise Pham, a makeup artist on youtube. Below this pic are a bunch of other pics of her in makeup. Pretty good work
Angelina Jolie
Antione Dodson
Jack Sparrow
Drake
Jessica Rabbit
Katy Perry
Kim Kardashion
Lady GaGa Anime Photoshoot
Lil' Wayne
Marilyn Monroe
Michael Jackson
Mona Lisa
Mulan
Nicki Minaj
Pocahontas
Princess Jasmine
Rihanna
Taylor Swift
Neytiri
"We Can Do It" poster girl - Geraldine Hoff
THE GREAT PRETENDER
So here's the crack. Below is the picture of one Promise Pham, a makeup artist on youtube. Below this pic are a bunch of other pics of her in makeup. Pretty good work
Angelina Jolie
Antione Dodson
Jack Sparrow
Drake
Jessica Rabbit
Katy Perry
Kim Kardashion
Lady GaGa Anime Photoshoot
Lil' Wayne
Marilyn Monroe
Michael Jackson
Mona Lisa
Mulan
Nicki Minaj
Pocahontas
Princess Jasmine
Rihanna
Taylor Swift
Neytiri
"We Can Do It" poster girl - Geraldine Hoff
GOLDMAN SACHS
Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.
#1: Football is probably the only thing that reminds unemployed people that tomorrow is Monday.
#1: ... Having no Internet history is an omission of guilt.
#1: Don't confuse friends, work friends, and friends of convenience.
#1: New World, Emperor Group, Lai Sun. I wouldn't call them gangsters, but… #2: T.I.A. baby
#1: Berlusconi’s been ostracized into a life of luxury & banging teenage whores. #2: Could be worse.
#1: Occupy Wall Street is no more than a really elaborate Planned Parenthood publicity stunt.
#1: How are you not on Facebook? All of your high school friends probably assume you're dead.
#1: Blacking out is just your brain clearing it's browser history.
#1: I've never said I 'hate' anyone because that would imply I had any emotion for them whatsoever.
A#1: There should be a cost-of-living adjustment in the tax code. NYC is fucking expensive. #2: Tough shit. It's the price of admission.
#1: ... Having no Internet history is an omission of guilt.
#1: Don't confuse friends, work friends, and friends of convenience.
#1: New World, Emperor Group, Lai Sun. I wouldn't call them gangsters, but… #2: T.I.A. baby
#1: Berlusconi’s been ostracized into a life of luxury & banging teenage whores. #2: Could be worse.
#1: Occupy Wall Street is no more than a really elaborate Planned Parenthood publicity stunt.
#1: How are you not on Facebook? All of your high school friends probably assume you're dead.
#1: Blacking out is just your brain clearing it's browser history.
#1: I've never said I 'hate' anyone because that would imply I had any emotion for them whatsoever.
A#1: There should be a cost-of-living adjustment in the tax code. NYC is fucking expensive. #2: Tough shit. It's the price of admission.
PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK
Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...
ADVERTS FOR ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES
EMERITES A380 BUSINESS AND FIRST CLASS
How to roll in the new Boeing A380 superplane.
FAIL
A short collection of FAILS from the week
SPACEDICKS
God help us. A collection of what the net is actually good for... Fucked up shit in all its forms
SPACEDICKS
God help us. A collection of what the net is actually good for... Fucked up shit in all its forms
JOKES
As I knocked back drink after drink the concerned barmaid asked, "Are you ok, sir?"
"My son would have been two today..." I sobbed.
"Oh, I'm sorry," She replied, "Do you mind if I ask what happened?"
"He was born a day late," I replied, "Now I've got to go to his stinking birthday party tomorrow instead of playing golf with the lads."
I've been practicing how to talk with an American accent, but my friends think I sound like a cunt.
Looks to me like I have it mastered then.
CALENDAR FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal.
Except Winter and Summer.
And Autumn.
Dora the Explorer has got a little Muslim friend called Doda.
The Exploder.
Feminism is the belief that both sexes may become equal by focusing solely on one of them.
Images of Michael Jackson are to appear on cans of Pepsi to mark the 25th anniversary of the release of his album 'Bad'.
So, nearly 3 years after his death, he's still finding his way down children's throats.
Me and the wife decided to make our own sex tape.
She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
VIDEOS
STAY CLASSY THIS WEEKEND PEOPLE
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