Therapy Sessions mkii: Session 12

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Roll up, roll up read all about... oh sorry, we're shut! What a week, NoTW has been shut down after 168 years! Only another 12 papers to go and we will be free of bullshit, can you imagine.

Okay so last weeks Session was a bit pants! I was away molesting panda's and wasn't able to give it the time it deserves.I hope that this weeks episode makes up for it. Enjoy...

PICS

If you can't see the image properly, click on it

Women can be cruel

Why does that kid have a Samurai sword?

Works every time

This is how Jeremy Clarkson fucks when he is cheating on his wife!

Enough said really

Is he pissed?

They say timing is everything

The lorry is taking a nap

Wax on...

Do the math

You know you are going to try this now

Some people are pure idiots

I think that is Gary Glitter trying to blend in

It's a hard life

Why is the mouse in the air?

They look like they have Downs Syndrome

No wonder they are going extinct

Shark on shark attack!!

1970's sexism. Can't beat it

Who stole my plane?

What you looking at

He had it coming

I so want to do this

That is one awesome stick

Lance Armstrong means business

Who let the Hulk out?

Singing by arrows

The Internet does harbour fools

Pure horror

GIFS

If the GIF isn't moving, click on it

The Canadian twilight zone

"Tag, you're it"

nom nom nom

She's everywhere

lmao

Clever dog

WTF

skills...

freaky shit

How hungry do you have to be before this happens

REAL MEN

A bunch of stuff all 'real' men use, want, have or desire!

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad:
Garage sale on Saturday April 17th from 10 am to 4 pm. Lots of clothes, furniture, electronics, and more. The address is 341 ********* Drive. Email me if you need directions.

From Me to ***********@**********.org:

Hello,

I live a few blocks away from you and couldn't help but notice you are having a garage sale this Saturday. I am going to have to kindly ask you to change the date of your garage sale. I am having my annual world class garage sale on that day, and I do not want you to take away any of the customers that would be coming to my garage sale.

If you could hold your garage sale some time during May or June, that would be great.

Thanks,

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

I'm not changing the date. There is plenty of room for both of our garage sales.

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen,

There is not enough room for both of our garage sales. As I said earlier, my garage sale is a "world class" event. It draws in garage sale connoisseurs from all over the region. I have already booked a bartender and a string quartet for my sale on Saturday. My garage sale is a classy experience, and I do not want that experience to be ruined for customers who mistake your garage sale for mine. Now I'm not saying your garage sale isn't going to be nice, but I highly doubt you have a bartender and string quartet at your sale.

Please take down all of the ads in the neighborhood for your sale to avoid any confusion for my customers.

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

How rude of you to even make this request. I have the right to have a garage sale when ever I want to. What gives you the nerve to think you can tell me what to do?

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen,

You are correct, you do have the right to do whatever you want. I realize that I cannot change your mind about this.

I can, however, put up this ad all over the neighborhood. Let me know what you think of it:

Best,

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

What the hell is the matter with you? I swear if I see any of those ads in the neighborhood I will tear them down and report you. Do not speak to me again about this. You have been warned.

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen

I'm willing to cut you a deal and get you a spot on the guest list for my world class garage sale if you cancel yours.

Mike

From Karen ******* to Me:

Screw you and screw your world class garage sale, you world class prick.

LEVITATION

A collection of so called "art" from some Asian chick. Some of it's quite good

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

MOATS

I want one...

COMIC STRIP

JOKES
Now the News of the World is going out of print I was starting to wonder how I would get my weekly supply of whining, complaining, gossip, general outrage and complete bullshit.

Then I remembered I had a wife

If you're worried by the lack of News of the World, get your bullshit, lies and farcical stories next Sunday by attending church.

Candles lit, food ready, background music - the scene was set perfectly.

My girlfriend walked in the door exhausted from work and I smiled at her. The time was so right. I got down on one knee and held the ring up in the air.

"What the fuck is this?" she moaned.

"I'm scared," I said. "Please watch it with me."

Judge: `Your sentence for rape will reflect the seriousness of what you did.'

`30 seconds inside then.'

I said to my two-year-old son, "Now, what noise does a cat make?"

"Miaow!"

"Good, but do you know what noise a dog makes?"

"Woof woof!"

"That's right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?"

"David, if you even think about going out to that fucking pub with your friends then you can forget about ever being let back in this house!"

That's my boy.

"Seriously, you've never had a mobile phone?" asked this girl in a nightclub. "What if your parents died and someone needed to get hold of you?"

"Well that's hardly likely to fucking happen, they died 6 years ago!" I snapped.

"Oh I'm so sorry, you still sound really hurt?" she replied.

"Of course I fucking am, I only heard about it 2 days ago."

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