Therapy Sessions mkii: Session 9

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Another week gone and we are here again. We have quite a selection of the good, the bad and the ugly this week so make sure you get a dose of it.

happy hunting peeps

PICS

If you can't see the image properly, click on it

Looking smooth there cowboy

How bad do things have to get before you need a sign like this

Novel idea

Don't make me point at the sign

Shit, they saw us

Now we can all be smart

I want cuff links likes these

Spot the 7th person

And you think your splinters were bad

Easter island at night

You know it

Racism

Be honest, you know its right

What would you get

The new Banksey

The iPad 3 preview

Well worked photoshop

player hater

If you have to spell it out...

Do the monkey

Ignore

Dogs are rubbish

God, we're getting old

Yep

I agree completely

Enough said

Freeze kitty

Oh Dear

What powers yours?

Not so Fresh anymore is it

GIFS

If the GIF isn't moving, click on it

I want a dog that can spoil children's games also

dumb cow

Who the fuck thought this up

Don't ask

Idiot

That's some serious hair spray he's wearing

back scratcher, back scraaaatcher

Take down

what a lemon

nom nom nom

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad:
i want to get back into shape and am looking for a jogging partner. i always run better if i can keep the pace with someone else as i am sure other fellow runners know. i only work afternoons so i can run during the morning or night, doesn't matter much to me. shoot me an email if you want to be running partners

From Me to *************@*******.org:

Dear New Running Partner,

Hello! My name is Mustafi Chukwuemeka Adetokunbo, but my friends call me Wuemeka. I have just moved to Philadelphia from Kenya and I too am looking for a running partner. I run for twelve miles every morning, and another eight at night. I now run a 4 minute mile. I know this is slow, but no worry, I am aiming to run a 3:50 mile by next month. I most look forward to running with you, my new friend! Please respond with your contact information and where you would like to run. I am not so acquainted with Philadelphia, but I would prefer to run in densely forested areas if you know of any.

Run with you soon,

Wuemeka

From Steve ***** to Me:

wow man are you for real? theres no frickin way i can run a 4 minute mile!!!!!!!

From Me to Steve *****::

Dear Steve,

I am sorry to hear you cannot run a 4 minute mile. I can slow down my pace if you would like. How does a 4 minute 30 second mile sound?

Warm regards,

Wuemeka

From Steve ***** to Me:

HAH! dude i can run a 9 minute mile on a good day. thats it. im not training for the freaking olympics here...

From Me to Steve *****::

Nine minutes? Why are you so slow, friend? Nine minutes! Man oh man, is that slow! In my country, you would not survive! You would be eaten by a lion or speared by a rhino! I am very sorry for you my friend. You remind me of my last running partner Jumu, he was eaten by a cheetah!

Good day to you,

Wuemeka

From Steve ***** to Me:

yeah well this isnt africa this is PHILLY. we have crackheads here, not rhinos or cheetahs or elephants and we sure as shit dont have rainforests. come on man are you stupid?

From Me to Steve *****::

I am not stupid, you are the stupid one my friend! We will see who is the stupid one when you are being chased by a lion! We have a word for fools like you in Kenya - KUMAMAKO!

From Steve ***** to Me:

leave me the fuck alone jumanji!

WICKED LIBRARY'S

Here is a selection of some of the most bad ass library's from around the world.

FACEBOOK

The best and worse that facebook had to offer this week

COMICS

GOOGLE SUGGESTIONS

Try this yourself to see what happens

JOKES

I went out into the garden and, to my horror, my wife was slumped on the grass.
The fucking dog had dug her up again.

BBC Sport: All Black Donald signs for Bath.

E-I-E-I-O!

If my balls come out on the lottery tonight, my career as a TV presenter will be in ruins.

There were some Eco warriors protesting outside the local council offices. They all had their "Save The Ancient Woodland" posters and banners. So I decided to go down there and take the piss.

"Chop 'em all down, we need the logs!" I cried.

"Go away, you monster!" one of the hippies shouted.

"Seriously," I laughed, "you know they're going to do it so you're wasting your time. What are they building anyway, a motorway? An airport?"

"A mosque," he replied.

I've been protesting with them for three days now.

Just finished reading the fifth book in the "learning to count" trilogy.

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.
I asked her, "What can I do to stop my addiction?"
She said, "Whatever means necessary."
"No it doesn't," I said.

My girlfriend asked, "Do you want to get married?"
I said, "Sure."
She said, "Great, when?"
I said, "Well like every other guy, when I meet the right girl."

VIDEOS