Friday, 19 August 2011

Session 17








Session 17. Make the most of it, with the footie season kicking off, there is a very good chance that this is going to be neglected somewhat until I lose hope in Arsenal for yet another season. Anyways, we seem to have a good response last week to the new format so if it's not broken, lets not fix it

Enjoy...


PICS
If you can't see the image properly, click on it




We all want a wife like this right




Oh dear God



oops



Now to play buckaroo



and on his wedding night aswell, tut tut



pimping



well get on with it then



kitty getting all 21st centuary on us



I want one



I found Nemo



They so deserved that



Now that's worth googling



all for one and one for all



Welcome to the twilight zone



The world at night



This may take a while



Problem solved



The rioters keep getting younger



I like the artists thinking



But would you smell her finger?



kids ey!



An Illusion



lol



lmao



wtf



Why would you build a house there!



Don't snatch



not beer, but blow job maybe?



Bat coffee



So true



Repair work with lego!



Back in my day, it was all just a field...



Bloody rioters



If only thre was a picture of their faces when the penny dropped



puff the magic kitten



Use the force



Get some



Hard life for some



You may go to the ball



I wonder where he has been putting his dogs shite all these years?









GIFS
If the GIF isn't moving, click on it



Even the seaguls are looting!







Cunt punch.... bam







FAIL







tit







Busted







Next time you're out camping, try this







nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo







who ever did the math on this jump is a fucking idiot







I don't dare ask







Fuck that!







Why why why why why??







Windex is good stuff







Now try this at home







wellington cat







and the quaterback is toast!









THE BUNNY SUICIDES
If you haven't come across these comics then where have you been!



























DON'T EVEN REPLY
Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist


Original ad:
Hello. I am a responsible young professional looking to sublet a studio or 1 br apt in or around East village. I am looking to move in on Mar 15. 2000/mo is my budget. Thanks




From Me to **********@********.org:

Hey,

I am leaving for London on business and need to sublet my studio apartment immediately. It is a beautiful spacious apartment in the East Village (near Tompkins Square Park). Rent is $1750/month and you can move in as soon as February 25th. Please let me know if you are interested.

Regards,

Mike

From Ari ****** to Me:

Hi Mike thanks for responding. A few questions: how big is the apt? how long can is the lease til? do you have any pics or a floor plan? I want to move in on mar 15- is that ok?

From Me to Ari ******:

March 15th is fine with me. The apartment is 370 square feet. I don't have any pictures, but I have included a floor plan to give you an idea of the layout of the apartment. The lease is up in November 2011, but you have the option to renew if you wish. Please let me know if you have any more questions about the apartment.

Mike

Attachments:



From Ari ****** to Me:

Mike did you send me the wrong plan or is there really a pool in your apartment.

From Me to Ari ******:

Oh, yes. I should have mentioned the pool. I had an exercise pool installed in the apartment because I was training for a swimming marathon. It is a really nice pool. It is 39 inches deep with powerful jets and a vinyl liner. The pool is great if you like to swim.

Mike

From Ari ****** to Me:

Thats a pretty important thing to forget to mention, doncha think?! It takes up the whole f-ing apartment! How is there no bathroom?? Where am I supposed to shower and sleep?

From Me to Ari ******:

I know, it is a really nice pool. I usually use the kitchen as the bathroom. You can either pee in the sink, or out the window. The window overlooks an alley behind 5th St, and most of the time nobody walks below you. Even if you do piss on someone, you are on the 7th floor so they will probably have no idea where it came from. By the time it hits them, you will most likely be zipped up and have the window shut. The sink has a garbage disposal in case you need to take a dump.

Showering? You don't need to shower - you have a pool! Just go for a swim any time you are trying to wash off.

Sleep? I've got that covered too. I have an extremely comfortable pool raft I sleep on. It is like sleeping on a waterbed! It has a couple of cup holders you can put your phone/keys/beer/whatever in. I'll include this with the apartment for an extra $10.

I am free tomorrow if you want to check the place out and fill out the sublet papers.

Mike

From Ari ****** to Me:

Hmm well yes that does sound nice, but I am looking for a place where I dont have to shit in my sink and sleep in a goddamn pool. Come on man! Good luck finding someone to rent you'll need it!

From Me to Ari ******:

You don't have to shit in the sink, it is just an option. You can also shit out the window, or shit in a bucket next to the window and dump it out the window. There is an Indian restaurant that backs up to the alley, so it already smells like shit down there.

At least come over and try my raft before you decide that sleeping in a pool is a bad thing. I'll even throw in a couple of pool noodles for free.

Mike

From Ari ****** to Me:

Stop trying to sell me your POS apartment, if you can even call it that. You know what makes an apartment an apartment? A bed. Bathroom. Furnature. NOT A FUCKING POOL.

Why am I arguing with you? This is fucking ridiculous. Conversation over.

From Me to Ari ******:

Why are you so afraid of sleeping in this pool? Be honest, do you not know how to swim? If so, I can give you the number of a good lifeguard I know.

From Ari ****** to Me:

Shut the hell up. I hope you drown in your pool!



FACEBOOK
This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook















DUMB WARNINGS
A selection of stupid warnings from shit


























COMIC STRIP









































JOKES

I've adopted a little African child, I worried that he wouldn't adapt well to our way of life...
So to make him feel at home, I put a treadmill in front of the sink.

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth fairy etc.
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that shit anymore, thank God. 


I had to violently shake my son to wake him up yesterday.
If I'm going to read him a bedtime story then the least he can do is have the courtesy to listen to the end of it. 


The teacher asks the class, "What can women do that men can't do?"
"Have babies!"
"Breastfeed a baby!"
"Have sex when they're dead!"

"Why do people say burnt 'out'?" I said. "A building can't be burnt 'in', so I don't see the point in saying it really."
"I'll ask you again," the fireman said urgently. "In which room of the house is your wife trapped?"

My wife found out I'd been masturbating to some strange types of porn.
She said, "Come on, let's hear how filthy you are. What kind was it?"
I said, "I'll give you a clue. It rhymes with 'plastics'."
"Gymnastics!" she screamed, "Typical fucking man!"
At this point I decided not to correct her.


My girlfriend came home and she got an 'A', 'B', and a 'C'.
We had the most incredible sex to celebrate.
Afterwards I rolled over and said, "Well done babe. What letters are you learning tomorrow?"





VIDEOS


















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BE LUCKY THIS WEEKEND




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