Session 45

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Session 45! Wow we are starting to really stack these numbers up! Thats a shit load of pics, gifs, vids and other shite. Another packed session this week, so sit back, relax and as always... enjoy

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SONG OF THE DAY

PICS

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AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad: 
I bought this GE refrigerator a few years ago, but just got a new one for my kitchen and no longer need it. It still works perfectly and is very large, perfect as your main fridge for a kitchen. I'm asking $300 for it. I am located in Brooklyn, but will be willing to deliver it up to 25 miles for a small fee.

From Mike Partlow to ************@**********.org

Hello,

I am very interested in your fridge. Is it still available? If so, how much would you charge to deliver it to my place in the city?

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

Yes mike it is still available. I will deliver it for an extra $50. where is your place located?

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

I want it delivered to my office on the 67th floor of the ********* Building on **rd st and **********. Now I am pretty sure that the fridge won't fit in the elevator, and if it does, it would exceed the weight capacity, so you will have to carry it up the stairs. I hope this won't be a problem.

When can you deliver it? I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and can be there any time. I do need it sooner rather than later, however.

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

that is absurd. Im not going to heave this very heavy fridge up 67 flights of stairs. Dosent your building have a cargo/utility elevator?

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty, you don't have to lug it up 67 flights of stairs. There is a loading bay around back that starts on the 2nd floor, and I'm pretty sure this building does not count the 13th floor. So you are really only carrying it up 65 flights of stairs. There was a cargo elevator, but building management has told me that I am never allowed to use it again after I attempted to bring my motorcycle up to my office. They don't let just anyone use it anymore, so that isn't an option.

From marty ******* to Me

absolutely not. do you have any idea how heavy this thing is? why do you even need a full size fridge in your office? just buy one of those small mini fridges.

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty,

You are obviously not a very good salesman if you are trying to suggest I buy something else instead of your product. How is that working out for you? Do you make a lot of money that way?

Not that it is any of your business, but I cannot afford rent in my apartment anymore and am slowly trying to move into my office so I can live out of there. I plan on disguising the fridge as a filing cabinet so my company will not get suspicious. If anyone asks you what you are doing when you are moving it into my office, just tell them that you are delivering my new filing cabinet. Try to tuck the power cord under the fridge so they don't realize that it is actually a fridge.

How does next Tuesday work? I am free all day.

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

mike I don't think you understood me. I am NOT delivering the fridge to your office. it's way too big and heavy, and I doubt you will find anyone willing to carry it up to the 67th floor.

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty,

I'm sorry, I must have misread your ad. I could have sworn it said "will be willing to deliver it up to 25 miles for a small fee." Am I crazy, or did your ad say that?

I don't recall it saying "will be willing to deliver it as long as your building isn't too big and scary for my weak little body to carry it."

From marty ******* to Me

Hey listen asshole. You are a Fuckin idiot if you honestly think somebody will do this. It has nothing to do with strength it is just an insane request. the only way you will get a fucking fridge up there is with an elevator. fuck off.

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty, I get what you are saying. It doesn't have anything to do with strength, because even my 120 lb ex-wife could carry this thing up. It is clearly a lack of motivation. You need to be in the right mindset to be able to do this.

Tell you what, I'll stand behind you as you carry it up, and shout encouraging motivational words at you to keep you going. I'll say things like "c'mon Marty, you can do it! You're almost there!" and "don't give up!" I'll even bring a few bottles of Gatorade in case you get thirsty. What flavor do you want? I have frost and orange, but I really don't recommend orange because it doesn't even taste like Gatorade.

So see you Tuesday?

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

shut the fuck up.

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

GOLDMAN SACHS

Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.

#1: Why do NY guys get involved in EEMEA deals? #2: (laughs) Citi is the worst but Espo is tight with P.Y. #1: Yeah, G.H. is a scumbag.

#1: Hong Kong sales can expense 'karaoke' bars where girls go home with you, and I get shit about a $1k dinner. Fuck that

#1: Volcker rules will kill all trading desks. #2: Getting paid just from fees is retarded. #1: Get ready for a bunch of new funds.

#1: If we weren't aiming for perfection, we wouldn't be Goldman Sachs. (2 people nod simultaneously)

#1: I haven't seen a single hot chick protesting outside. That can't be a coincidence

#1: I sent Morgan Stanley my resume. #2: Why? #1: So i could reject them again.

#1: These dirtbag protesters are annoying the hell out of me. #2: Tell me about it. I feel like I am back at Brown.

#1: I met with Geithner. Seriously, his breath would knock a buzzard off a shitwagon.

#1: They look at me like I'm the Devil. Bullshit. I facilitate global liquidity. The world wouldn't exist without it, or me.

#1: We should buy Greece and tell Dodd and Frank to fuck off.

PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK

Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...

TODAY'S MOVIES YESTERDAY 
Heres the crack, modern-ish movies made back in the day, with the stars of the day. Some of them I think would of been better like Clint Eastwood as Wolverine!

MAN-UPS
We have all seen those posters of pin-up girls from back in the 50's. What we never saw (thank god) was men doing the same thing... until now

FAIL

A short collection of FAILS from the week

COMIC STRIP

JOKES

I've just heard on the radio that the leader of the Monkees has died,

R.I.P. Nelson Mandela.







I felt terrible about killing a wild bear with a knife and a shovel. However I've learned that when one of them approaches your children you have to be willing to strike hard and fast.

I also learned that Koalas aren't great fighters.






"It's a boy!"

I shouted, as I ran from the Thai brothel.







I took a girl home from a club last night.

As we got inside my house I said, "You'll be walking funny tomorrow."

"Ooooooh" she smiled, "Have a big cock do we?"

I locked the door and said, "No, I'm going to cut off your feet."







Arguing with a Christian is like playing chess with a pigeon.

You could be the greatest player in the world, but the pigeon will still knock over all the pieces, shit on the board and strut around triumphantly.






Liverpool have finally taken home a trophy after six years: The Carling cup.

That's a bit like being single for six years and then bringing home Susan Boyle.







I saw Subways lunch offer today -

'£3 - Choose between 9 Subs and a Drink'

Erm... Fucking 9 Subs please.






When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight,...

to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.

VIDEOS

  

LIVE IT LARGE THIS WEEKEND

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