Session 47

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Hey degenerates, welcome to another session of therapy to stop you going postal on a disabled nursery school. Big thanks to everybody who keeps sending us shit in, we are now up to 150 images a week!!!!

I hope all the men out there enjoyed their Steak and Blowjob day on Wednesday!

Hope you all have a paralytic St Patrick's weekend, and to kick it off here is the new advert from Guinness which made us chuckle here at Therapy Session HQ

Enjoy...

SONG OF THE DAY

PICS

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GIFS

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NOTICES

Honesty is always the best policy, even if it isn't PC

AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad: 
Collector looking for vintage scotch, rum, cognac, bourbon, etc. Willing to pay top dollar for fine bottles.

From Timmy Tucker to **********@**********.org

Hey there! I saw your ad on ********** and have some "vintage" liquor you may be interested in.

I have about half a handle of Captain Morgan's Rum, a rare vintage rum from the Caribbean. I bought this at a liquor store on Long Island in 2007, and believe that its taste has really aged to perfection. I am willing to sell this for $300.

I also have a very rare bottle of Aristocrat Tequila. You can taste the fine vintage in every sip. I acquired it from a friend who says he bought it at a liquor store in Baltimore in 2005. You can really taste that southern atmosphere in this one! Due to its rarity, I will sell this for $500.

Also, if you are interested, I have about half a case of vintage Natural Ice beer. It was acquired from a frat party I was at about a month ago. This frat has a very old history with Syracuse, and that history came with the beer. It doesn't get much more vintage than this. I will part with this at $50 per can.

I really hate to see this stuff go, but after my third DUI, the court ordered me to do a program that involves me staying sober, so I think it is best that I part with this rare liquor.

Please let me know if you are interested. I have several other buyers lined up, so I will need to know very soon.

Thanks,

Tim

From Evan ******* to Me

Tim,

You must be crazy to consider that bottom-end liquor "vintage." I am not interested and am insulted that you would even try to sell me such cheap liquor at such ridiculous prices.

Evan

From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******

Evan,

I am very disappointed that you are not interested in these vintage treasures. Every bottle and can I sell comes with priceless historic value. Please reconsider, because I don't think you will find an offer like this anywhere else.

- Tim

From Evan ******* to Me

Are you nuts? You want to sell me beer you stole from a frat, that is a month old, for $50 a can? I am NOT INTERESTED.

From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******

Evan,

I did not steal that beer, and I resent the accusation. Please reconsider purchasing this. I am a recovering alcoholic, and fear that I will drink again if I am unable to get rid of this booze. Please do not make me drink again!

Tim

From Evan ******* to Me

Why don't you just throw the booze away? You have problems, man.

From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******

WJKAJF EVAN U RUNED MY LIF. I DRNK ALL THE BOTTLE. U MADE ME CRSH MY CAR AND RUN AWAY NOW POLICE RJSGJKEW. WIFE IN HOSPTAL. i HATE U EVEN U DISTROY LIFE

STYLE

Simple process really, 2 people, many different stereotypes

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

GOLDMAN SACHS

Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.

#1: All of these overeducated unemployed losers voted for Obama. #2: Challenge on 'overeducated'. #1: It's all relative

#1: People love to pick on us, but we'll be fine. #2: Yup, I haven't asked how much something costs in years. And that won't change.

#1: I don't even remember how I managed to ignore my wife at dinner before the Blackberry era.

#1: Welcome to Asia! Michael Luk at Deutsche once won an Indonesian HY mandate by giving the CEOs wife a Birkin bag. #2: We won't do that.

#1: Twitter makes no sense to me. #2: It's a great news filter. #1: I don't care what P Diddy had for breakfast. #2: That was 2008 Twitter.

#1: Why are we are getting vilified? Look at what Google or GE do. Booking revenue offshore and avoiding taxes. #2: Heavy lies the crown.

#1: Imagine the scenario, 'Mom. Can you buy me a Sharpie? And I need train money to NY.' 'Timmy, can't you protest around here.' (LAUGHTER)

#1: David Ryan was wearing a pale yellow Ferragamo tie. #2: So? #1: It matched his teeth. #2: F you. He's one of the nicest guys here.

#1: I own Apple stock at $175. #2: You also own Goldman stock at $175.

Skirt#1: I have nothing in common with my housewife friends. It's baby showers and shopping. Skirt#2: Wine and Xanax is my common thread.

PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK

Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...

THE END OF WINTER
So its almost the end of winter so we thought we would take a quick look back at why we all hate the fucking cold!

FUNNY/STUPID EXAM ANSWERS
A selection of some of funniest/wittiest exam answers given my students during test!

FAIL

A short collection of FAILS from the week

COMIC STRIP

JOKES

"I've been cheating on you," I said to my girlfriend.

She said, "Really? Honestly? You lousy bastard."

"And furthermore," I said, "she says I am fucking amazing in bed."

"Fucking hell, Dave," she said. "You silly bastard, you had me going there for a minute as well."





A black guy I once gave a lift to, made me the man I am today.

A pedestrian.




I stopped my car beside a prostitute last night.

As she got in I asked, "How much for a blow job?"

She said, "Thirty quid."

I said, "Can you do twenty?"

"Yeah, okay" she replied.

I said, "Great, here's £600 then."





My doctor was checking my balls for any lumps the other day.

It got awkward when I ran my fingers through his hair





I was walking down the road when I saw a woman holding a placard that read;

"Women are not just sexual objects - Honk if you agree!"

So I squeezed one of her tits and said, "Honk."

VIDEOS

  

HAVE A BLINDER

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