Session 48

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150 bloody images! Loving this shit.


Enjoy...

SONG OF THE DAY

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AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!

LEGO PORN

Does what it says on the tin really. Looking at the images, it reminds me of Duke Nukem

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad: 
36" RCA tube TV for sale. good condition. pickup only. very heavy. first with $50 gets it. no phone- email only. 


From Me to ************@*********.org:

Hey there,

I want your TV. I have $50 cash and can pick it up anytime. What is your number? I'll call you for directions.

Mike

From Steve ***** to Me:

hi mike. i live at 54 ********* dr. can you get it today? i dont have a phone so just show up and knock on my door. ill be home all day sound good?

From Me to Steve *****:

Sounds good. I'll be over in a few hours.

Thanks,

Mike

From Me to Steve *****:

Hey, I'm on Pughtown Rd right now but I am having trouble finding your house. Can you help me out? I pulled over on Wilson Rd and I'll wait for your instructions.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i dont live on pughtown. i live on ******** dr. if you turn rite onto pughtown, then rite on bethel rd from pughtown it will take you there.

From Me to Steve *****:

Okay, I turned onto Pughtown again but I don't see Bethel Rd. I crossed over a river and now it says I am coming up on Route 113. Am I going the right direction?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

no. i said make a rite on pughtown. you made a left. turn around and go the other way. your not even close so you have a way to go.

From Me to Steve *****:

Uh...I turned around and I'm still not seeing Bethel. It looks like I'm at Pughtown and Rt. 100. Should I go down that?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

NO! you drove passed bethel dude IT INTERSECTS WITH PUGHTOWN. turn around and it will be on your LEFT

From Me to Steve *****:

I already turned onto Rt. 100 because you took too long to respond. It is kind of hard to turn around on this road. Doesn't 100 intersect with 113? I'm just going to do that and then loop around back to Pughtown Rd.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

no dont do that!! you will be on 100 for like 15 miles before that happens! just turn around and get back on pughtown this should be easy

From Me to Steve *****:

This would be much easier if I could just call you. What is your phone number?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i already told you i dont have a phone. how is this so confusing to you? where are you now?

From Me to Steve *****:

I think I'm on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. It says the next exit is King of Prussia in 15 miles. Should I get off at that exit?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

dude why the FUCK would you get on the turnpike? didnt you notice something was wrong WHEN YOU HAD TO GO THRU A FUCKING TOLL???? jesus man you are hopeless!

From Me to Steve *****:

Calm down. No need for profanities. I saw the toll and realized something was wrong, but there wasn't anywhere for me to turn around so I just went through it. I accidentally went through the EZ-PASS thing instead of the regular toll and I think it took a picture of my license plate. Should I get off at the King of Prussia exit? I just passed a billboard for Geico insurance, if that helps.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i cant help you. you are beyond lost. next time get a fucking GPS if you are this bad with directons

From Me to Steve *****:

Well, I hope you are happy. I just got pulled over for texting while driving, and going 103 in a 65. The cop is running my information right now.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

how the fuck is that my fault!?

From Me to Steve *****:

Apparently my registration and insurance are expired, so they are towing my car. Also, they said there is a bench warrant out for my arrest for not paying some speeding ticket I got last year. They are taking me to a police station in Norristown. The cop said I should be processed in a few hours. Would you be able to bail me out? Bring the TV, too. They are taking my phone now so I won't be able to talk to you after this.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

are you fucking with me? im sorry dude but you are a fucking idiot and im done dealing withyou



==============================
EPILOGUE - SEVERAL DAYS LATER
==============================

From Me to Steve *****:

Hey, it is Mike again. Where were you? You never came to bail me out. I had to get a bail bondsman and now I owe like $1500. On top of that, they found a bowl and some weed in my car, and a little bit of cocaine. I'm getting charged with possession, which is going to cost me a fortune. Plus my speeding ticket which is going to be over $200. Seeing as this is your fault, I think you should pay me at least $500 as compensation. I don't know when I will get my car back so you will have to bring the $500 to me. I live in West Chester, when can you come with the money? Also, bring the TV.

Mike

From Steve ***** to Me:

listen up you stupid fuckhead. i gave you the easiest directons and you still got fucking lost. did i ask you to go on the turnpike and get pulled over for speeding like a fucking idiot? did i ask you to have drugs in your car? NO. you must be smoking crack if you think im giving you $500 and the tv. im surprised the cops didnt find crack in your car you fucking crackhead. none of this is my fault you are just a fucking dipshit that cant follow directons so fuck the fuck off and never email me again!!!!

oh and i sold the tv to someone else and the guy had no problems finding my house cause HES NOT A FUCKING MORON

KIDS AND THEIR ANIMALS

Children do seem to have an infinity with animals!

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

GOLDMAN SACHS

Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.

#1: I highly doubt we've ever hired anyone who listed 'camping' as an interest on their résumé.

#1: Benjamin Ng won't take that fucking earpiece out, ever. Thank Christ we didn't hire him.

#1: About fucking time... It's skirts, black tights, and boots weather in New York.

A#1: Bill Gates has a 15-year old daughter. A#2: Shit. I can wait 3 years. A#1: Less than that if she does semester abroad somewhere cool.

1: No real money or retail bid. Credit hedge funds sidelined. We can shut our Asian HY business for the year. 2: I didn't know we had one.

PMD: Why do we bother with investment grade Korea deals for dogshit fees. It won't get any of us paid.

#1: These idiots don't know that Ben & Jerry's is owned by Unilever, which has insanely aggressive capitalist policies in emerging mkts.

#1: What kind of retard thinks 'bankster' is an insult? #2: Yeah, that's like calling a rapper Vito Corleone. They'd love that shit.

1: HK chicks go to China to buy fake Louis Vuitton shit & mainlanders come to HK to buy the real shit. 2: So then who shops at Coach?

A#1: Maaaatt Daaaaamon A#2: Maaaatt Daaaaamon

PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK

Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...

SO YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY
As part of our ongoing mission to make sure you we deliver high quality Therapy to the needed masses, every now and then we try to cheer you folks up some shit. This week, no matter how bad your day gets, just remember you aren't one of these guys

ONLY IN AFRICA
In Africa they call it how it is. Here is a bunch of street signs we found whilst out for a walk one day in jamanji land

FAIL

A short collection of FAILS from the week

COMIC STRIP

JOKES

I took my son's goldfish to the vet today but it died just before we got there.

I knew I should have put some air holes in the cardboard box.






I popped my head over my sexy neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.

"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."

"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"

"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."




If I were a Scooby Doo villain, I'd take the whole thing to court.

I mean, how hard can it be to overturn the testimony of four kids who talk to a dog?




Muamba News Watch Day 5 - Comparable News Headlines:

Guardian - In effect, Muamba was dead say doctors

BBC News - Muamba was 'dead' for 78 minutes

Daily Mail - Pressure mounts on NHS as asylum seeker remains in hospital





Warning: This movie 'MAY' contain nudity?

Either it does or it doesn't, don't waste my fucking time.

VIDEOS

  

SMILE AT THE IGNORANCE OF OTHERS THIS WEEKEND

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