Friday, 21 December 2012

Session 87


So the world didn't end, bit of a shame but there you go. This will be the last episode until 2013 :(

Have a good one and have a drink for us here at Therapy Sessions HQ


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A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!


This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

I'm sure you'll get the jist

A short collection of FAILS from the week


I ordered a sex-toy off the internet, a custom made scale replica of my wife's vagina.
On the day it was due to be delivered I sat anxiously at my window, waiting for my postman. After what felt like forever, he came struggling down my path with a big tatty box in his hands, all dented and the flaps torn, blowing around in the breeze.

I thought they would've at least fucking wrapped it.

When Brendan Rodgers said he thought Liverpool could finish second I didn't realise he meant in every game.

I can usually judge how attractive a woman is by how many times my wife calls her a whore.

My daughter has decided to do hair and beauty when she leaves school.

Basically she's thick as fuck

Dildos are illegal in Texas but guns aren't. 

Probably explains the low number of dildo-related murders in the area.

"Father Michael!" I shouted to the elderly priest, "Father Michael! It's good to see you again."
"Hello Brian," he responded by taking my outstretched hand. "It's been a long time. I'm surprised you seem so pleased to see me.....after.....well, you know what happened the last time we were together."
I sensed his apprehension. "It's ok Father.. I don't blame you... It was my fault."
"I wish I could feel the same," he said quietly. "But I should have known better."
He turned his head away from me slightly and said quietly, "I'm really sorry. If it's any consolation, I ask God for forgiveness every single night."
"Seriously Father.. It wasn't your fault."
"It's nice of you to say so Brian, but I still feel terribly guilty."
"Don't," I replied, "I was the silly fucker who asked her to marry me."

After I got mugged in Bradford the police officer asked if I could give a description of the assailant.

"I can give a very accurate description," I replied, as he opened his notebook. "He was a white youth aged between...."

"That's OK sir," he said, closing his book. "We're well acquainted with the lad in question."