Friday 25 November 2011

Session 31








 
What is this you ask.... Click on it and find out, its like Narnia for rapists!



I got shown this last week and it did make me laugh. Click on the link below, and see what happens when you try to change the colour to black!

http://shop.lululemon.com/products/clothes-accessories/men-tops/Pacific-Run-Long-Sleeve-28632?cc=9547&skuId=3431023&catId=men-tops


Two things. 1 - I am far too hung over this morning to add my musings to these pics and gifs. Besides, I don't think anybody gives a toss what I think! 2 - Happy Thanksgiving to the colonies

Enjoy


SONG OF THE DAY





PICS
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GIFS
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AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!











DON'T EVEN REPLY
Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist


Original ad:
I need someone who owns or has access to a pipe camera to inspect a sewer drain that runs from my house to a creek behind my house.. I constantly have to snake out the drain and need to see what is causing the clog. The pipe is about 50 feet long. Thanks!!


From Me to **********@************.org:

Hello,

Are you still looking for someone to inspect your sewage pipe?

Mike

From Ben ****** to Me:

Yes I am...do you have a pipe camera?

From Me to Ben ******:

Ben,

I don't have a pipe camera, but I do believe I have the means to help you. I am a little person (3 foot 2 inches) and think I would be able to fit down the pipe. I will not only find the problem, but I might even be able to fix it. I will gladly do this for $150 compensation.

Mike

From Ben ****** to Me:

You get stuck in the pipe and then I have a real problem.. No thanks.

From Me to Ben ******:

Ben,

I promise I will not get stuck in your pipe. I have done similar jobs for a contractor and have had nothing but positive results. If you are concerned about me getting stuck, I can bring a tub of olive oil and cover myself in it so I will not stick to anything.

Mike

From Ben ****** to Me:

No. The ad was for a pipe camera guy...NO MIDGETS

From Me to Ben ******:

Ben,

First off, we prefer to be called "little people," not "midgets." I thought your ad was simply looking for a solution to your problem, not specifically a pipe camera operator. Us little people have to deal with jerks like you all of the time, and it is very discouraging. Perhaps you should change your ad to express your hatred for little people. That way you will not waste the time of any other potential little person plumbers.

Mike

From Ben ****** to Me:

I'm wasting your time huh... You're wasting my time you stupid little fucker...the last thing I need is a damn midget clogging my drain. Thats right you're a MIDGET not a little person. You midgets are so touchy!

From Me to Ben ******:

Ben,

I am going to have to report your ad for being discriminating against little people, and for you being plain mean and hurtful. Just because we have little bodies does not mean that we have little feelings. Maybe next time you will be more considerate.

Mike

From Ben ****** to Me:

Go ahead you fucking midget! Hey guess what. You can come over here and suck my dick and you dont even have to sit down to do it! hahahaha!!!





FACEBOOK
This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook















SPECIAL
























































FAIL
A short collection of FAILS from the week

















COMIC STRIP












































JOKES



What bounces and makes kids cry?

My donation cheque to Children in Need.






Whoever put "Too Cool to Do Drugs" on a pencil is a spastic.

Every time you sharpen it, it changes to "Cool to Do Drugs", then "Do Drugs" and eventually "Drugs".







I went back to a girl's house last night.

After getting naked on the sofa, she pointed to her coffee table and said, "Would you rather shag me over that?"

I said, "Yes I would, you're much prettier."







People can be so easy to read. Like if their face is red, they're embarrassed. Or if their skin is brown, they're about to commit a crime.







The first rule of Thesaurus Club is, you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.








I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!





I saw some porn made during the second World War. The stars were a British soldier and a German woman.

The soldier slowly unbuttons the woman's blouse, kissing her neck as he does so. He then unclips her bra to reveal her round, pert breasts. He licks and then sucks gently on her erect nipples.

Next, he removes her skirt. She is wearing black stockings and suspenders, with lacy knickers. He nudges her underwear to one side so that he can spread her moist lips, teasing her with his fingers.

He then pulls her knickers off completely, and pushes her onto the bed. The Brit looks over the German, in complete control.

He kneels down and begins to lap at her pussy, slowly at first, then building up speed. He flicks her clit relentlessly. She starts to moan, clasping the headboard tightly in readiness for the climax. The end is near, and they both know it.

She wriggles on the bed, helpless at what is about to happen.

At that point, an American soldier kicks down the door, pushes the Brit to one side, and spunks in the German's face




VIDEOS