Friday 27 July 2012

Session 66













What a great week we have had. Sun has been shining, maniacs are shooting up cinemas and all this shit about the Olympic flame relay is finished. Just one thing left to do... behead Justin Beiber!

In the meantime, here is your weekly dose of therapy. Don't forget the poorly made PodCast on iTunes and the FB group bitches.

Enjoy







SONG OF THE DAY






PICS
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GIFS
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AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!














CHINESE GLASS MOUNTAIN WALKS









DON'T EVEN REPLY
Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad: 
I need a large sectional couch and table moved from Norristown PA, to Lincoln NE. Give me a quote, I am offering $1000.00 but am willing to negotiate. You should be able to fit it all in a 16` truck.

Timmy Tucker to ****************@**********.org 

Hey, 

I saw your ad on ********** and think I can help. I regularly take my Ford Festiva to Tallahassee, FL, and I could drop your stuff off along the way. 

Let me know if you are interested, 

Tim 


David ********** to Timmy Tucker 

wtf? lincoln is not on the way to florida. are you serious? it would never fit in your festiva anyway. 

Timmy Tucker to ****************@**********.org

Dave,

Please do not underestimate or insult my Festiva. I swapped the motor with a Ford F350 and am completely capable of towing your sofa on my boat rack. You can even sit on it if you like. 

Lincoln is on the way to Florida, and I would have no problem dropping your couch off there, as long as you drop your attitude with me. 

- Tim 

David ********** to Timmy Tucker 

yeay your full of shit. you have a truck motor in your shitty little festiva? bull fucking shit. do you even know where lincoln is? its in NEBRASKA, dumbass! how the FUCK is that on the way to florida 

Timmy Tucker to ****************@**********.org 

Dave, 

I don`t appreciate you insulting my car. How would you like it if I insulted your couch? Hopefully I won`t have to resort to that. I am aware that Nebraska is a little bit out of the way, but I was willing to do this out of the kindness of my heart. Now I am seriously reconsidering. 

- Tim 

David ********** to Timmy Tucker 

I DONT WANT UR FUCKING HELP WITH UR SHITTY LITTLE CAR. GO AHEAD INSULT MY COUCH OOH IM FUCKIN SCARED 

Timmy Tucker to ****************@**********.org 

Dave, 

I warned you not to insult my car. Well I have something to say about your couch. It sucks! The cushions are probably old, ripped and crusty, and sitting on it is very uncomfortable. Your table sounds like a piece of shit too. Fuck you. I hope you never get laid on that couch again. 

- Tim 

David ********** to Timmy Tucker 

FUCK OFF


FACEBOOK
This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook














WEIRD FACTS ABOUT MOVIES












GOLDMAN SACHS
Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.


#1: Being spotted in economy class must be like having your parents visit you at boarding school in a shitty rental car.

#1: Wet socks are my own personal Katrina.

#1: I always thought he was a closeted homosexual. #2: It's possible that he's just a closeted European.

#1: I heard the Euro was spotted at DisneyWorld wearing a Make-A-Wish T-shirt.

Suit#1 (on cell phone): "Yes… Yes… I know… Yes… Ok, you too… Bye." [hang ups]. "Jesus Christ, I hope my next wife doesn't do this."

#1: If Robert Kardashian hadn't gotten OJ off, eventually one of his daughters would have.

#1: In times like these, I wish I was a black, pregnant woman.

#1: I really do hope they have golf in Hell.

DCM#1: The 'track changes' function is an easy reminder as to why I never became a securities lawyer.

Skirt#1: [Hot Trader] called me 'Sunshine.' I don't know if I should pick out names for our kids, or file a lawsuit.



PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK
Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...






YOUR DAILY LIFE IN GIFS



When your really innocent friend says something sexual:








When your boss catches you not doing your work:








When your girlfriend randomly asks you if you want to have sex:








When you were a kid and got to go to the playground:








When you work retail and have to listen to the store's music all day








When you try to explain your favourite movie to someone who knows nothing about it:








When you step to get around someone, but they step in the same direction:








When you see a girl with a nice arse wearing yoga pants:








When you see your ex at a party:








When you lose your only friend that went to a party with you:








When you go out to a fancy restaurant and get the bill:








When you get home from a long day:








When you are crossing the street and someone honks at you to hurry up:








When you can find a friend you can act stupid with:








When the phone risks while you're on the toilet:








When someone starts talking about politics:








When someone starts gossiping about someone you hate:








When someone points a rubber-band at you:








When a cute person call you cute:




OPTICAL ILLUSIONS





























FAIL
A short collection of FAILS from the week














SPACEDICKS
God help us. A collection of what the net is actually good for... Fucked up shit in all its forms






Police Photo of Kurt Kobain








JOKES


So an 11 year old boy was found alone on a plane headed for Rome. Not a big deal.

The pope probably just ordered some take-away.






The shootings at the cinema in Denver have ruined the Batman film for me.

All I can see in my pirate copy is the audience running about.







You wouldn't steal a car.
You wouldn't steal a film.

So why download a movie?

Because I don't like getting shot at whilst eating popcorn...








I tried to log on to my computer this morning but it wouldn't let me in.

I shouted to my wife, "Babe, have you changed the password on the PC?"

"Yes honey."

"What is it?"

"It's the date of our anniversary."

Bitch.









I hope everything is fine with Adele's pregnancy.

Because I really can't listen to a whole album about a dead baby this Winter.












I'm not saying the wife buys too many shoes, 

but people keep mistaking our house for a Holocaust museum.



VIDEOS






































































GO FOR GOLD THIS WEEKEND