Sunday 31 July 2011

Session 5








what you have all been waiting for, another dose of the funny.

You know the drill, enjoy.





PICS
If you can't see the image properly, click on it


I think the caption sums up my thoughts



I don't know why, but I feel that this is soemthing that Tom Waites would drive!



Click on the image to see all the figures




I doubt she is giving birth



Sums it up




What in the blue fuck is going on here!



Oh the joys....




There should be a new ammendment to the constitution - Presidents SHOULDN'T dance



Every mans hero



amazing



Chicago, amazing that it is all built on a swamp



WTF



Proves that bears aren't scary



Pigs do indeed fly




FAIL



I'll make him a meal he cannot refuse



What you looking at?




Never let your mates enter you into things



its legal child abuse almost



All aboard



the up fellas



I heard you only get snickers for xmas from him though



Otherwise known as every burger on the menu



It's a perfect fit



Iconic







This does not surpise me in the slightest








GIFS
If the GIF isn't moving, click on it



















































LOOK ALIKES



















SKYLINES
See if you can guess what city's these pics are. The answers is at the bottom of this section






























Bangkok - Thiland
Brisbane - Australia
Damascus - Syria
Dubai - UAE
Dubai - UAE
Frankfurt - Germany
Frankfurt - Germany
Kuala-Lumpa - Malaysia
Lviv - Ukraine
Malaga - Spain
Melbourne - Australia
Moscow - Russia
New York - USA
New York - USA
Paris - France
Paris - France
Philidelphia - USA
Rio de Janeiro - Brazil
Rome - Italy
Sao Paulo - Brazil
Seattle - USA
Sibiu - Romania
Singapore - Singapore
Sydney - Australia
Tokyo - Japan





HOVER HANDS - HOW TO SPOT A VIRGIN
































COMIC OF THE WEEK










THE GREATEST QUOTES IN THE WORLD

Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children.
   
Depression is just anger without enthusiasm.
   
I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
   
Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
   
Who’s General Failure & why is he reading my disk?
   
Tennis is a fickle sport. No matter how good you are at it, a wall will always be better.
   
Yo momma’s so fat, she walked past the TV and i missed the first season of Lost.
   
If your name was homework, I would be doing you on my desk right now.
   
He’s so far in the closet he’s in Narnia.
   
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you’ll be a mile away, and have his shoes.
   
I still miss my ex-girlfriend, but my aim is improving.
   
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
   
The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
   
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
   
When I said ‘death’ before ‘dishonor’, I meant alphabetically.
   
Putting the laughter back into manslaughter.
   
When shooting a mime, don’t use a silencer or his friends will hear you.
   
Hurricanes are like women : when they come, they’re wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.
   
The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
   
Why do we call them buildings when they’re finished? Shouldn’t they be called Builts?
   
When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!
   
Screw me if I’m wrong, but have we met before?
   
Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
   
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
   
You’re about as useful as a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest.
   
A little necrophilia never killed anyone.
   
Dyslexics Of The World Untie.
   
I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
   
If a wolf can take down a deer from either flank, does that make him bambidextrous?
   
I went too a restaurant that served breakfast at anytime, so i ordered french toast during the renaissance.
   
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
   
What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.
   
If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson’s No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?
   
Imagine there were no hypothetical situations.
   
The Vending Machine Theory : “Stuff tastes better when it falls”.
   
The most effective copyright protection known to man : a scratched CD.
   
A jump-leads walks into a bar, acting aggressively. The barman says “All right, I’ll serve you. But don’t start anything.”
   
This girl rang me up one time, she says “come over, nobody is home”, I went over, no one was home!
   
I told the butcher I’d give him $10 if he got the meat down off the top shelf. He said he couldn’t. The steaks were too high.
   
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
   
I don’t find it hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.
   
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
   
Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin – it’s the triumphant twang of a bedspring.
   
I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.
   
I got cold hard cash for Christmas. Five bucks frozen in a block of ice.
   
Being dyslexic has drawbacks. I once went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
   
Without me, it’s just awesome.
   
He who laughs last probably does not get the joke.
   
I miss you like a retard misses the point.
   
Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
   
You know you have a small apartment when Coco Pops echo.
   
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
   
Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?
   
It appears the location of my fist and your head are not mutually exclusive! It is a probability miracle!
   
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
   
Coffee just isn’t my cup of tea.






FAILS







































































JOKES


The sexy policewoman interrogating me asked, "How many rapes have you committed?"
I said, "Eight or nine."
"Which is it?" she asked.
"It depends on how soon you can get back-up."



I was stuck on a question in my Maths GCSE exam, so I asked the guy in front of me.
"Oi, mate, tell me the answer to question three and I'll let you have a go on my older sister."
He said, "Fuck off, I don't fancy your older sister."
I said, "Alright, my younger sister."
"Pi r squared, now give me her number."
Teachers are so easily bribed.




In light of recent controversies involving Twitter, it's best to assume that anything written on the Internet can be used as evidence in court.

Piers Morgan fucks children.





A Liverpool prostitute has taken out a super injunction to stop people saying that she slept with Wayne Rooney. 




I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've survived.





"If you win the lottery, the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job," said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket.

"Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo," I replied.

"Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one," she said.

"My point exactly."




VIDEOS























HOPE YOU LIKED IT. IF YOU SEE ANYTHING THAT YOU THINK IS WORTHY OF NEXT WEEKS EPISODE, LET ME KNOW