Session 64

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Right then, session 64. Its a good one this week, we have tons of cool shit. Session 2 of the podcast went live on iTunes yesterday as well so if you really don't have anything better to do with your time then go have a listen, but only if you are really really bored.

Enjoy...

SONG OF THE DAY

PICS

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GIFS

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AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!

THE WORLDS OLDEST .COM DOMAINS




Create Date Domain Name
03/15/1985 SYMBOLICS.COM
04/24/1985 BBN.COM
05/24/1985 THINK.COM
07/11/1985 MCC.COM
09/30/1985 DEC.COM
11/07/1985 NORTHROP.COM
01/09/1986 XEROX.COM
01/17/1986 SRI.COM
03/03/1986 HP.COM
03/05/1986 BELLCORE.COM
03/19/1986 IBM.COM
03/19/1986 SUN.COM
03/25/1986 INTEL.COM
03/25/1986 TI.COM
04/25/1986 ATT.COM
05/08/1986 GMR.COM
05/08/1986 TEK.COM
07/10/1986 FMC.COM
07/10/1986 UB.COM
08/05/1986 BELL-ATL.COM
08/05/1986 GE.COM
08/05/1986 GREBYN.COM
08/05/1986 ISC.COM
08/05/1986 NSC.COM
08/05/1986 STARGATE.COM
09/02/1986 BOEING.COM
09/18/1986 ITCORP.COM
09/29/1986 SIEMENS.COM
10/18/1986 PYRAMID.COM
10/27/1986 ALPHACDC.COM
10/27/1986 BDM.COM
10/27/1986 FLUKE.COM
10/27/1986 INMET.COM
10/27/1986 KESMAI.COM
10/27/1986 MENTOR.COM
10/27/1986 NEC.COM
10/27/1986 RAY.COM
10/27/1986 ROSEMOUNT.COM
10/27/1986 VORTEX.COM
11/05/1986 ALCOA.COM
11/05/1986 GTE.COM
11/17/1986 ADOBE.COM
11/17/1986 AMD.COM
11/17/1986 DAS.COM
11/17/1986 DATA-IO.COM
11/17/1986 OCTOPUS.COM
11/17/1986 PORTAL.COM
11/17/1986 TELTONE.COM
12/11/1986 3COM.COM
12/11/1986 AMDAHL.COM
12/11/1986 CCUR.COM
12/11/1986 CI.COM
12/11/1986 CONVERGENT.COM
12/11/1986 DG.COM
12/11/1986 PEREGRINE.COM
12/11/1986 QUAD.COM
12/11/1986 SQ.COM
12/11/1986 TANDY.COM
12/11/1986 TTI.COM
12/11/1986 UNISYS.COM
01/19/1987 CGI.COM
01/19/1987 CTS.COM
01/19/1987 SPDCC.COM
02/19/1987 APPLE.COM
03/04/1987 NMA.COM
03/04/1987 PRIME.COM
04/04/1987 PHILIPS.COM
04/23/1987 DATACUBE.COM
04/23/1987 KAI.COM
04/23/1987 TIC.COM
04/23/1987 VINE.COM
04/30/1987 NCR.COM
05/14/1987 CISCO.COM
05/14/1987 RDL.COM
05/20/1987 SLB.COM
05/27/1987 PARCPLACE.COM
05/27/1987 UTC.COM
06/26/1987 IDE.COM
07/09/1987 TRW.COM
07/13/1987 UNIPRESS.COM
07/27/1987 DUPONT.COM
07/27/1987 LOCKHEED.COM
07/28/1987 ROSETTA.COM
08/18/1987 TOAD.COM
08/31/1987 QUICK.COM
09/03/1987 ALLIED.COM
09/03/1987 DSC.COM
09/03/1987 SCO.COM
09/22/1987 GENE.COM
09/22/1987 KCCS.COM
09/22/1987 SPECTRA.COM
09/22/1987 WLK.COM
09/30/1987 MENTAT.COM
10/14/1987 WYSE.COM
11/02/1987 CFG.COM
11/09/1987 MARBLE.COM
11/16/1987 CAYMAN.COM
11/16/1987 ENTITY.COM
11/24/1987 KSR.COM
11/30/1987 NYNEXST.COM

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad: 

PLASMA HDTV - $850

I'm selling my 42" 720p Samsung Plasma TV (PN42A410). I bought it a year ago and there is nothing wrong with it. I just want to get a bigger TV with more P's.

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

hey will you take $700 for it

From Me to ************@yahoo.com

You are asking me to drop the price by $150. I am willing to do this if you let me shoot you in the groin with my paintball gun 20 times in a row. You can't wear a cup. I get to set the velocity to 450 FPS.

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

seriously?

From Me to ************@yahoo.com

Yes. 20 shots and its yours. 

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

uhh no. hows $750 sound

From Me to ************@yahoo.com

Do you have a girlfriend? If you do, and she is hot (I'll need pics), and she blows me, you can have the TV for $750. You can't watch either. 

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

fuck off dude

From Me to ************@yahoo.com

Tell you what, I'll sell it to you for $900 and you won't have to do any of that stuff. 

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

wtf your ad said $850

From Me to ************@yahoo.com

I added $50 for you trying to haggle me. I'll remove this $50 haggling fee if you let me break an empty vodka bottle over your head.

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

fuck off

From **************@comcast.net to Me

A TV like that goes for $699 brand new at Best Buy. I'll give you $400 for it?

From Me to **************@comcast.net

For $400, I will cut the TV in half with a sawzall and give you half of it. Which half would you like? The left half has all of the HDMI inputs, and the right half has the power/channel/input buttons.

From **************@comcast.net to Me

I guess I'm going to Best Buy...

From Me to **************@comcast.net

WAIT! Before you go to Best Buy, consider my new offer:

I'll sell you the TV for my new low price of $800. Also, I was planning on leaving it on a paused frame of gay porn all weekend so it would be burned into the screen, but I won't do this if you accept my offer within the next 10 minutes. 

From cory ***** to Me

ill give you $600 cash for your tv

From Me to cory *****

Sounds good! When can you come get it?

From cory ***** to Me

where do you live?

From Me to cory *****

**** *******

From cory ***** to Me

well ya i know that but like whats your address

From Me to cory *****

I'm not telling you that. Sorry, but I just don't trust people from the internet.

From cory ***** to Me

well do you want to deliver it to my place?

From Me to cory *****

And get kidnapped? I don't think so.

Here's how it is going down: We'll meet Sunday afternoon in a crowded part of town. Lets say High St, by the courthouse. I'll be walking towards Market St and you'll be walking away from it at precisely 1:00 (when the courthouse clock goes off.) Have a black suitcase ready with $600 in unmarked, non-sequential US twenty-dollar bills. I'll have a suitcase as well, and be wearing a black suit. Tell me what you plan on wearing. We will accidentally bump into each other, drop our suitcases, and pick up the other person's suitcase and continue walking. The suitcase you pick up will have a key inside it to a 1998 Ford Econoline that will be parked on Miner Street. Use the key to open the back of the van, which will have the TV inside of it. Take the TV, and leave the key in the van. You will be watched so don't try anything funny. If the suitcase does not have $600 in it, the van will be destroyed.

Does this work for you?

From cory ***** to Me

no wtf

From Me to cory *****

why not?

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

AWKWARD PHOTOS
Sometimes you have to take a minute to understand a picture

GOLDMAN SACHS

Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.

#1: People on the sell-side should never use silver dots on Bloomberg. #2: No way. It's great for ignoring IB chat requests.

#1: The age of consent laws should be different for Asian chicks. Sometimes, I cant tell if they're 14 or 40.

#1: Texting is ebonics for white kids.

#1: Retards who post Facebook photos from a (Vegas) hotel suite are basically saying, 'this is as good as I think my life will ever get.'

#1: Every morning, I pretend I wake up to the Airwolf soundtrack

#1: Let's get one thing straight. Mark Zuckerberg is a fucking loser.

#1: The only reason Herman Cain is running for President is to sell more books. #2: And to show people how much tail he gets.

#1: I seemed to know a lot more Eagles fans about 2 months ago.

#1: They need to wake the fuck up. They have clean water, food, shelter, and personal freedoms. America's 99% are the 1% of the world.

Barney Frank is retiring... Send him your best wishes. (O): +202 225 5931 (M): +202 459 1156 (E): maria.giesta@mail.house.gov

PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK

Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...

US NAVY!

Actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations,10-10-95.

#1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

#2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.

#1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

#2: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

#1. THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!

#2. This is a lighthouse. Your call.

BALLS

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And....

6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

There must be a ton of people in Washington playing marbles!

FAIL

A short collection of FAILS from the week

SPACEDICKS
God help us. A collection of what the net is actually good for... Fucked up shit in all its forms

JOKES

"Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?" I asked my boss.

"Just pop it in the corner," he said.

It took me three hours.

'Big black dude rapes skinny Eastern European chick'

Pretty much describes my favourite type of porn.

And the Women's Wimbledon Final.

I saw this girl crying in a pub, so I went up to her and asked what was wrong.

"I split up with my boyfriend, because he's a sexist pig."

"I'm a great listener, if you want to tell me more," I replied.

"You don't even know me," she cried, "why would you want to listen to me?"

"Because you have massive tits."

The makers of GoalRef and Hawk-Eye goal-line technology have told Rangers they can't use the system next season.

Apparently it doesn't work with goal posts made from jumpers.

I saw a woman reading 50 Shades of Grey on the train today.

"At least you don't have to lick your fingers to turn the pages" I said with a smile,

"You disgusting wanker!" she screamed and stormed off down the carriage.

Are all Kindle readers such miserable cunts?

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DO SOMETHING MEMORABLE THIS WEEKEND

  

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