Therapy Sessions mkii: Session 26

http://twitter.com/TherapySession2

So its been half a year, yay for us!!! We might be getting a new sponsor soon so let me say right now to them; if I call you wankers and that your products give small children aids its not personal and don't throw a strop.

Right then, on with the goodies...

SONG OF THE DAY

PICS

If you can't see the image properly, click on it

Advertising at its best

Apparently some people call this art, I call it a hobby whilt on LSD

This dude loves pain

easy tiger

A fair policy I feel

Get this for your wife this christmas

I'm slightly lost, is it a boat or a women he wants?

only in Mexico

Definatly Gay

Meanwhile on the NASDAQ

A real man

Amen

They grwo up so fast these days

Stand and Deliver...

lol

Working smart, not hard

Timing is everything

This would work for me!

Fuck that

Gotta love the urban dictionary

Be stupid

I want one!

A dollar is a dollar

Me in 20 years

Take that you slag!

I use hydro for mine

Poo little Pokemon

Crime of the centuary

Women have it so easy yet most of them are monsters

WTF

Isn't he the Peporoni Guy

I am doing this tonight

I can see this happening

FAIL

Some people have far too much time on their hands

Genius

Oh Dear

Can you hear it?

13 birds, one cup!

lol

GIFS

If the GIF isn't moving, click on it

Asians = WTF

I doubt she was expecting that

I remember the Monster one of this blowing my mind when I was about 14!

Dog vs ratdog

Science is weird

Cat FAIL

The Chuckle Brothers new job

lmao

Legendary

there is no i in team

tramps being tramps

why for the love of god would you do this

Shaq being Shaq

Skills

Holy Fuck

CHUCK NORRIS
We all know that Chuck makes the baby Jesus look like Hitler but, here is a selection of 100% true facts about hte legend that you may not of known!

It Doesn't Usually Take A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back.....Just One Arm Of Chuck Norris Will Do!

Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris never dials 911 in Texas...Chuck Norris is 911 in Texas!

Morphius gave Chuck Norris the choice of the red pill or the blue pill, Chuck Norris took both and roundhouse kicked him. No one makes Chuck choose.

Chuck Norris heard Einstein's Theory of Relativity and ruled it irrelivant

When Chuck Norris plays dodge ball....the balls dodge him.

Do you see the Sun and the Moon?, Chuck Norris is responsible for these phenomenons. No questions

Chuck Norris can run somebody over without a car.

Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 Minutes in a half-hour.

Scientists say dinosaurs are extinct due to a comet. Others say Chuck Norris wanted to test his roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris stole everything in my house, and replaced it with exact replicas. At least I think he did.

Tough men say they eat nails for breakfast, Chuck Norris buys his food at Homebase.

If you type Chuck Norris into Microsoft Word, the little paper-clip just hangs himself.

When Chuck Norris wants to cut his steak he throws it in the air and roundhouse kicks it.

Nobody is perfect, Chuck Norris is nobody!

It's Offical, Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon before Ash did.

If you want to get in the Beyond section at Bed Bath & Beyond, you have to go through Chuck Norris. Adam Sandler is a whole different story.

Did you know that 2 Aleve have the same pain relief as 8 Tylenol? Chuck Norris does not know this. Chuck Norris feels no pain.

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with Chuck Norris? Nothing. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once said, there is a reason why cats have nine lives.

When Chuck Norris played the Game of Life, it turned into the the Game of Death

Bret Favre will never retire because he promised to play checkers against Chuck Norris when he was done with football.

Chuck Norris won the Tour-de-France on a big-wheel.

There is no life on Mars because Chuck Norris was there

Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang

China's military is massive. Russia's military has nukes. The British have their ships. But the US has Chuck Norris.

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad:
LOST DOCUMENT - PLEASE HELP
We were travelling down Schuykill Rd between Schoolhouse Rd and Hares Hill when a very important document blew out the window. If you find this document please let us know ASAP!

From Me to ************@************.org:

Hello,

I saw that you lost your document on the road I live on, so I figured I'd go out and try to find it for you. I found several things that could be your document but due to your lack of details I am not sure if I have the right one or not.

Mike

From Jessica ****** to Me:

Can you please describe what you found! Thanks

J

From Me to Jessica ******:

Jessica,

Here are the three documents...I hope this helps:

The first document appears to be a receipt of some kind from McDonalds. It looks like the person paid for a McDouble and a small drink.

The second document is a page out of the Philadelphia Inquirer. It has the TV guide for the date of May 17th, 2010.

I can't quite figure out what the final document is...it is partially torn. On the front it says "NICKERS" and on the back there are some nutrition facts or something. It is very fancy paper - dark on one side and shiny on the other.

I hope one of these is your document so I can get it back to you safely.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jessica ****** to Me:

Great you found a receipt for food...a newspaper page...and a candy bar wrapper. Thanks a lot for the help jackass.

From Me to Jessica ******:

Well which one is yours?

Also, I found an empty coffee cup from Wawa if this helps.

Mike

From Jessica ****** to Me:

Do you honestly think any of that crap is what I am looking for??? Why would you even bother emailing me I swear to god

From Me to Jessica ******:

Well I wasn't too sure about the coffee cup, but I thought maybe you wanted the McDonalds receipt because I figured that anyone who is too cheap to pay for the extra piece of cheese, and opts for the McDouble instead of the Double Cheeseburger, would probably need that receipt to get some kind of tax deduction.

I also thought perhaps you were watching a really good movie on TV and wanted to know what it was called, which is why you would have needed the TV guide. I looked through the TV guide and saw that "The Hunt For Red October" was on that night...were you thinking of that? It was the movie about submarines.

As for the candy bar wrapper, I figured you were on a diet and needed to see how many calories the candy bar was so you could figure out what else you were allowed to eat for the day.

I was just trying to help. Maybe next time you should be more specific as to what the document is. If you are going to be ungrateful, then I am just going to throw these documents back into the street where I found them.

Mike

From Jessica ****** to Me:

None of those things are documents!! How stupid are you????

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

BLACKBOARDS IN PORN
So here at Therapy Sessions HQ we are starting to run short of random collections to put together! We have assorted the top 8 uses of blackboards in porn! Enjoy!

Mary Had A Little Lamb

- ½ beat
- 1 beat
- 2 beats

Music – introductory level

The treble clefs have been beautifully drawn, but there is no hiding some fundamental errors on this blackboard.

Firstly, the time signature is written as both ‘4/4’ and ‘c’. This is tautologous as ‘c’ means common time (4/4), so just one of these will do. Also, there is no need to put the time signature on every line unless it has changed, and there are definitely no mixed meters in Mary Had a Little Lamb.

There is a good attempt at an explanation of the different lengths of notes, though there are actually no quavers in this particular piece, so the teacher might be introducing the concept too early. The dotted minim might not be necessary either, and it is unclear what the minim with a quaver flag is meant to be. The teacher should also draw a semibreve for the last note ('snow').

The biggest error, however, is that each stave has only four lines instead of five. This would make it very difficult for the students to know which notes to play. Reading from the bottom, the first notes would be B A G A | B B B, which sounds correct. But reading from the top, the notes would be D C B C | D D D, which sounds wrong as there is only a semitone between the second and third notes. Imagine if half the class were playing one version and the other half the other – it would sound terrible and the class’s confidence might be badly affected if they felt they couldn’t master even this simple melody. (To be honest, when teaching this level of music it inevitably sounds awful when played tutti, so the teacher really isn’t doing his ears any favours here.)

An experienced musician would see that the positioning of the treble clef tells us which line is G (hence its alternative name of the G-clef), but it is unlikely that students of this level would know that. After adding the missing line to the top of the stave, the tune itself is basically correct, though usually the last two notes of bar four go up (to D in this case). The fact that the last note is a G helps to indicate that this version is in the key of G so needs a # sign on the F line just after the treble clef.

A good mnemonic for remembering the notes on the treble clef is, reading from the bottom line, Every Good Boy Deserves Football. Or, perhaps in the case of this classroom, Flagellation.

5/10 A good effort, marred by a silly error.

#7

1. S=0 A=0
2. S=1/4 A=1/16
3. S=1/2 A=1/4
4. S=1 A=1
5. S=2 A=4
6. S=3 A=9

Mathematics
t p
m
n
3/4 02/5
100=S=A
A
S 42/A9

Mathematics - year 8 level

This sets out to be a good illustration of the function more commonly expressed as y=x2. (Why the teacher has chosen A and S is unclear; these are sometimes used in lower case form as acceleration and distance respectively, but the relationship between them would not then be physically correct.) The important points (S=0, S=1, two points where S<1 and two points where S>1) have been well chosen to illustrate this function, though it would have been useful to have included some more points where S<0 to show what happens when squaring a negative number.

The graph has then been plotted, but sadly this is where the lesson begins to falter. Firstly, axes on the graph should be labelled with 'S' (horizontal) and 'A' (vertical). And the graph that has actually been plotted seems to be more like:
1. S=0 A=4
2. S=4 A=8
3. S=6 A=15

The graph is roughly the correct shape, but is not positioned correctly: it clearly intersects with the vertical axis at A=4. Even allowing for other drawing errors, this is a function more like A=bS2+4. It would also have been useful to extend the graph to S<0.

What is going on on the right-hand blackboard is less clear. There is a drawing of a trapezium, and also the equation 100=S=A, which is hopefully not meant to be related to the function A=S2.

Finally, the teacher should make sure that her students keep their focus on their work. She only has three students, so can't complain too much about the pupil-teacher ratio. The teacher is giving all her attention to the lone male student, allowing the two female students to talk to each other, thus reinforcing gender stereotypes of women in maths, despite being female herself. Sadly, it is this kind of attitude which leads to the 'Math class is tough' talking Barbie and low numbers of women choosing to study maths in further and higher education.

5/10 Shows some promise

#6

H2N2O2(HO-N=N-OH)
+
H4SIO4(SI(OH)4)
H2O + H2OSO4
H3PO3(HPO(OH2))
H2SO4 => SO4
H2OSO4 = H

Chemistry – A-level/undergraduate level

This is a frustratingly inconsistent approach to writing chemical formulae. On the one hand the teacher has gone to the trouble of also using structural formulae to improve clarity (eg H2N2O2 could be nitramide, but the addition of HO-N=N-OH makes it clear that we are dealing with hyponitrous acid here), but then writes SI (sulphur iodine) instead of Si (silicon) in the formula for orthosilicic acid. This, combined with not using subscripts for many of the numbers, could lead to a great deal of confusion.

Whilst this lesson appears to be aimed at quite a high level, such elementary errors may affect comprehension.

5/10 - rather sloppy.

#5

AFTER SCHOOL:

- math

1 + 1 = 2

1*

Mathematics - university/nursery school level.

This is clearly an extremely advanced level mathematical course, focusing on the Peano axioms for the natural numbers which formalised mathematics in the late 19th century. This course would culminate with Gödel's second incompleteness theorem which shows that the consitency of the Peano axioms cannot be formalised within Peano arithmetic itself.

Alternatively, it could be that the pupil, even at her advanced age, hasn't grasped that 1 + 1 = 2, and that all the after school one-to-one lessons in the world aren't going to work. Indeed, she probably won't even understand what 'one-to-one' means.

8/10 - loses two marks for 'math'.

#4

ENGLISH 101A

- NO EBOniCS
- NO SLAnG
- NO tArDineSS
- NO GUM
- NO tALKinG
- QUiZ EVERY FRiDAY
-

MS PriNCe

English - college level.

Ms Prince is setting her stall out early in this introductory course with a list of unacceptable behaviour in her class. Classroom discipline is extremely important to prevent disruption to other students, and also to encourage an individual work ethic. Few would argue with rules against tardiness, gum and talking. Regular assessment is also important for both teacher and pupil, but there are other ways of doing this than a weekly quiz.

"No slang" is a more controversial statement for an English teacher. Language, especially English, is a living, breathing thing. Where would classics from Ullyses to Trainspotting be without their coined words and vernacular language? Of course formal English is important, but even, some would say especially, an introductory English course should look at the differences between types of English and their appropriate uses.

"No ebonics" is an even more controversial statement for what is presumably an ethnically diverse cohort. Ever since Brown v Board of Education declared separate public schools for black and white children unconstitutional in 1954, educators have been divided over the use of African American Vernacular English. Some see it as socially limiting and to be eliminated, whilst others recognise it as a language in its own right, to be incorporated into the teaching of black children. Poe, Melville and Twain have all used AAVE - handled correctly it could be a very interesting and inclusive project to study its use.

Handwriting could be much improved, especially for an English teacher. There seems to be a bizarre mixture of upper and lower case. Of course, great artists break the rules, and non-standard capitalisation can be used to great effect, but on an introductory course perhaps this is one rule that shouldn't be broken.

6/10 - more detail needed.

#3

2x + 3 = 9

x = /2 [or 12?]

Mathematics - simple algebra.

The handwriting is large and generally clear, even though this class appears to only have one student in it, and he sits at the very front. It might be worth advising the student to have his eyes tested if he is unable to read smaller text at this distance. Remember that poor learning may be as a result of poor vision - the student might not even be aware that he has a problem. If the teacher does keep her handwriting that size she will have to get a bigger whiteboard when she starts doing quadratic equations. Finally, when writing algebraic equations, it is preferable to do a more cursive x for the unknown symbol, to avoid confusion with a multiplication sign.

Unfortunately, the answer is unclearly written - is it 2? 12? 1/2? Whichever of these it is meant to be, it is wrong. Here is the correct calculation:

2x + 3 = 9

Subtract 3 from both sides:
2x = 6

Divide both sides by 2:
x = 3

Given the differences in handwriting in the '2's though, it is possible that the teacher left the answer blank for the student to fill in, and is pointing for him to return to his desk. Either way, it is better to show one's working, so that if an error is made, but followed by correct calculations, the examiner may still give marks for the later parts of the answer, even if incorrect.

5/10 - could do better.

#2

ARCTIC CIRCLE
BALTIC STATES
ST PETERSBURG
MOSCOW
CENTRAL RUSSIA
UKRAINE
EUROPE
TURKISH STATES
BREAKAWAY REPUBLICS
SIBERIA
(illegible)
VLADIVOSTOK
ASIAN STEPPES

PROF. STEFANO
ROOM 32C

OFFICE HRS
M 2PM-4PM
T-W 12-1.30PM
T 9AM-10.30AM
F 5PM-7PM
SAT-SUN OFF

IMPERIAL RUSSIA 3271
1609-1752

MAIN STUDY QUESTION -
AS TIME PASSES, THE RUSSIAN IDEAL OF
GOVERNMENT UNDERWENT A RADICAL SHIFT
DESCRIBE THAT SHIFT & ALL ASPECTS
OF IT

History - A-level standard or higher. Two blackboards shows that a lot of work has gone into this lesson.

Not a bad map by history teacher standards, though St Petersburg is too far south and Vladivostok too far north. But it certainly gives

The title Imperial Russia 1609-1752 is something of a misnomer. The Russian Empire wasn't founded until 1721 - before that date it was the Tsardom of Russia. In fact, the date range chosen for module 3271 does seem somewhat arbitrary.

The main study question is rather awkwardly posed, using a mixture of tenses, but is open enough to stretch the more able students.

Handwriting is rather sloppy - all caps, sometimes at a rather wild angle, and with one map label illegible. The student pictured has been lucky to find Professor Stefano in, as his office hours are somewhat idiosyncratic. But this could be a result of education cutbacks, or flexitime due to his personal circumstances, so will not affect the overall score. (In fact, his work-life balance may be under threat as he feels the need to specify that he does not work at weekends.)

Overall: a very good effort - 7/10.

#1

Compound Angle Formulae

sin (A + B)
= sin A cos B + cos A sin B

cos (A + B)
= cos A cos B - sin A sin B

tan (A + B)
= tan A + tan B
1 - Tan A Tan B

A-level standard trigonometry. Maths all correct. Good pluralisation of 'formulae'. Neat handwriting. Loses a mark for 'Tan' instead of 'tan'. But otherwise: excellent work!
9/10

COMIC STRIP

JOKES

As Westlife announce the split, Louis Walsh claims his heart's all over the place. But thankfully his penis is still going in One Direction.

My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"

Guess who had to put the batteries in.

When people with lisps say "Bithneth", you know they mean business.

"One man's rubbish is another man's treasure" is an awesome phrase. But it's a horrible way to tell your kid they're adopted.

"I can't fucking believe it" I screamed, running into the delivery suite. "The baby has come out black."

"I know" she said, laying in her hospital bed.

"You dirty fucking slag!" I shouted."

"I'm not having you talk to me like this" she said. "Get out!"

"Talk to you like this?" I yelled. "You've been shagging a nigger!"

I looked at the midwife and said, "I honestly can't believe it."

She said, "Are you the boyfriend or husband?"

I said, "Neither, I don't know her, but it just winds me up when I see a pretty white girl like that getting knocked up by a darkie."

"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed."

My dog's full of useful information like that.

I took my new girlfriend home to meet my parents. We had a lovely evening and, after she'd gone, my dad leaned over and said, "Son, I think this one's a keeper."

"Awww dad, what makes you say that?"

"She smells of elephant shit."

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