Therapy Sessions mkii: Session 19

http://twitter.com/TherapySession2

Hey there, apologies for being a few days late this week, I have been drunk and away. Enjoy..

PICS

If you can't see the image properly, click on it

I think I've found one of the angry birds

So this is where Jesus was hiding

Imagine one of these up you!

Emo doodling

Pro: Skills!!! Cons: Needs a girlfriend

Oh dear god

robodog

hussy

I will comply

One brave pussy

Welcome to adult life

So it's true

Deep shit right here

I hate to think what his pillow looks like

Durex should be advertising this feature more I feel

FAIL

First time in Manila is it?

heat... simples

I bet he keeps Mrs Bear happy

Thriller of 2000BC

Point taken

Timing is everything

Camera out, one for the wank bank

Life is a cruel mistress

I masturbate when I procrastinate

It took me a minute to see whats going on here

I wonder who he is on about lol

He seems to be popular

I love how nonchalant the kid with the lolly is

All rise

The worlds first digital camera

So true

a bottle of gay

Suck it homie

practical but pointless

I hate it when homes do this

lol

rules are rules

You know it

nom nom nom

GIFS

If the GIF isn't moving, click on it

I love it when animals fail

Tony the Montana spider

wtf

serves him right

Rick James bitch!!!

lmao

pop

I wanna go

nobody messes with Chuck

her fat ass should of known better

freak

take that bitch

FAIL

WTF

Smooth as you like

SIGN ALTERING
A collection of signs that have had a few tweaks

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter

From Me to **********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

I am. lets see what you got.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Here you go:

Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:

At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.

Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.

This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

you're a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

A GENUINE HOLY FUCK MOMENT
Below is the video of NBC's Crime Mystery show, Vegas Homicide. It's about a fucked up murder in Vegas. Seems somewhat normal right? Wrong. I actually know.... quite well may I add the guy who did this! I've worked with him, been drinking with him, had meals with him and have slept under this sicko's roof many a night!!!!!! Holy Fuck Balls.

COMIC STRIP

JOKES

The missus came home steaming drunk last night. "You up for some role play action, babe?" She asked with a wink.
"Not really." I replied.
"Oh, come on." She said. "We can act out ANY scene, from ANY film you want."
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake, however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror.

As I shouted "THIS... IS... SPARTA!" and kicked her down the stairs.

My wife keeps complaining about her nine to five job.

I must admit, 4:51 is a strange time to start work.

I've been arrested for reading people's fortunes.

Or going through their bank statements as the police call it.

How many McCanns does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They pretend its fine left as it is, and fuck off out for a meal.

The wife and I were sat at the bus-stop when she started whistling Rolling In The Deep.
A lady sat next to us said, "Is that Adele?"
I said, "No, it's my wife. Adele is much slimmer"

Sky News : "Hearts Fan Cleared Of Assault On Neil Lennon"

Clearly, video evidence in football will never work.

My girlfriend got down on one knee to me earlier.

"I love you," she smiled. "Will you marry me?"

"Let's talk about it when you've finished, eh?" I replied, unzipping my trousers.

VIDEOS