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Another week, another session, and on this day of rememberance the Therapy Sessions team of 1 is remembering those who have fallen.
Enjoy
SONG OF THE DAY
PICS
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Send in the clowns
Take note
Take your pick
Take me home Jeeves
Open excel and give it a go
Kill her
You never go ass to mouth...
I think Mcgyver was here
I'm sold
Charlie Sheen's car
She has no legs though!!!
skills
how to befriend a donkey... lick it
I'm confused
I'm doing it
Jacko tribute
Chillaxing
Don't mess
Why I haven't don't this already I'll never know
Kill the fun why don't you
So true
Its all about being in the right place at the right time
Fuck you lady
Say cheese
May the force be with you
Holy Fuck
A unique perspective
This is an anti rape device used in south africa!
Good man
Useful to know
Tidy
Lovely
Easy rider
Feed me
lol
dirty bugger
shitting hell
why???
a puppy wet dream
the man knows his shit!
GIFS
If the GIF isn't moving, click on it
now you know
revenge of the mento
ouch
wtf
too cool for school
the great escape
you looking at me?
pushing your luck
kitty knows what she wants
whoops
how did he not see that coming?
enough lsd for one night
balls of steel
evil cat
fail
AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!
DON'T EVEN REPLY
Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist
Original ad:
LARGE CRIB WANTED
I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net
From Me to ********@verizon.net:
Hey Julia,
I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.
Thanks,
Mike
From Julia ******** to Me:
How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?
From Me to Julia ********:
Julia,
It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:
I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.
I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.
It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.
I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.
Thanks,
Mike
From Julia ******** to Me:
Oh my god
From Julia ******** to Me:
Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?
From Me to Julia ********:
Julia,
Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.
Mike
From Julia ******** to Me:
I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.
From Me to Julia ********:
Julia,
I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:
Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!
Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.
Thanks,
Mike
FACEBOOK
This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook
HIPSTER DINOSAURS
FAILS
A short collection of FAILS from the week
COMIC STRIP
JOKES
66% of Irish People like Jedward....
That's Two Turds.
I got chatting to this hot girl last night.
'You must have some points on your license,' I said.
'Aww because I've got 'fine' written all over me?' she winked.
'Well no ... because you're a woman.'
In the car, I said to my wife, "You've been driving this haven't you?"
She said, "How do you know?"
I said, "Because the clutch is knackered."
She said, "Don't blame me, I've never used it."
My first night working as a bouncer didn't last long...
As soon as I got there they showed me the door.
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
Then it's still all fun and games, just without depth perception.
I saw a fat bird down the pub, her T-shirt said - Watch out, I'm a maneater!
I went up to her and said "Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan."
She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten?! Well I can't help my size you know!"
I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all."
She looked happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you want to say then?."
"That's not how you spell Manatee."
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone.
That's Two Turds.
I got chatting to this hot girl last night.
'You must have some points on your license,' I said.
'Aww because I've got 'fine' written all over me?' she winked.
'Well no ... because you're a woman.'
In the car, I said to my wife, "You've been driving this haven't you?"
She said, "How do you know?"
I said, "Because the clutch is knackered."
She said, "Don't blame me, I've never used it."
My first night working as a bouncer didn't last long...
As soon as I got there they showed me the door.
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
Then it's still all fun and games, just without depth perception.
I saw a fat bird down the pub, her T-shirt said - Watch out, I'm a maneater!
I went up to her and said "Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan."
She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten?! Well I can't help my size you know!"
I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all."
She looked happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you want to say then?."
"That's not how you spell Manatee."
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone.
VIDEOS
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