Therapy Sessions mkii: Session 42

Big thanks to everyone who keeps sending us shit in to use in Therapy Sessions. We have tons of great stuff now for the up and coming weeks. We have so much we have decided to up the level of content in each session starting with adding a further 10 pics and 5 gifs a week! If you have anything of note, either upload it to our facebook page or send it to us at therapysessions@gmx.com

I see we have quite a lot a viewers from the South of Sunny Spain, if you're down that way check out these websites, lots of useful information:

www.marbella-resales.com
www.newgoldenmileproperty.com

Enough shamless plugging and back to the show, and don't forget to join our facebook page you wankers!

Enjoy fuckers...

SONG OF THE DAY

PICS

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GIFS

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AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

This was in response to an ad looking for surrogate mothers. The ad is long and boring, so I'll sum it up: they pretty much pay healthy women a lot of money to carry another couple's baby.

From Me to ************@***********.org:

Hello,

I saw your ad looking for surrogate mothers, and was wondering if you had any openings for a surrogate father. I am willing to sacrifice my body for families who cannot have a child. I would get the sperm intended for the surrogate mother inserted into my balls, and then impregnate the surrogate mother through passoniate intercourse, to assure that the baby is conceived in a more natural environment. Nobody wants a freak petri dish baby as their child.

I saw that compensation was $25,000 for the mother. Since I am doing all of the hard work, however, I am asking for $50,000 as compensation. Also, the surrogate mother must fit the following criteria:

- 18 to 24 years old
- Brunette or Blonde (no redheads)
- Not too short, but not taller than me because that is just weird
- Breast size of C cup or larger
- Not fat
- She must shave "down there"
- STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that)

I look forward to hearing from you. If possible, please send a list of potential surrogate mothers for me to knock up, and include pictures. I will get back to you with who I want to impregnate first.

Thanks,

Mike

From Mary ********* to Me:

Mike,

There is no "surrogate father" program. Sorry.

Mary *********

From Me to Mary *********:

Mary,

Surely there are some fathers who would want this. Just ask your clients if they would be interested in my services. I am sure you will get a positive response.

I forgot to mention that any potential surrogate mothers you have for me must be willing to do anal.

Thanks,

Mike

From Mary ********* to Me:

What is wrong with you? Let me be very clear: there will never be a surrogate father program. One can't simply get another's sperm placed in their "balls." Frankly, your demands are disgusting and you are making a mockery of our program. Do not contact me again.

From Me to Mary *********:

Oh, come on. What demands were disgusting? The anal sex? Studies show that women are 75% more likely to get pregnant if they take it in the ass first.

Believe me, this is not about the sex for me. I just want to help our country's most precious resource: our children. They are our future, you know. You hate children, don't you? By refusing my services, you may as well be working at an abortion clinic.

Please reconsider,

Mike

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

GOLDMAN SACHS

Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.

#1: Vegas is so lame. Why would you want to risk money when the odds are against you?

#1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world

#1: I was gonna take her on another date, but then I listened to Jobs' commencement speech.... 'Keep looking. Don't settle.'

1: Wonder if these fuckers know what Frette sheets feel like? 2 (laughs): Or my Hastens mattress. 1: Sympatico. 1/3rd of our lives, dude.

#1: I wish soccer was more popular here so that our unwashed masses would have something to live vicariously through.

#1: I felt like saying, 'In the nude... Thats how I fucking sleep at night.' #2 (laughs): Dumb bitch.

#1: 'Equities in Dallas' doesn't seem so bad nowadays.

1: Watches don't matter (to 1st year w/ new Rolex). I rock a Nike watch. 2: If you want watches to matter, go work at Citi or Wells Fargo.

1: Scary to think. Those angry Prols are the same kind of people that prepare our food. 2: Eat Subway. They can't spit on it to your face.

#1: Some of these chicks are hot… in a Vermont kind of way.

PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK

Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...

I NEVER MISS A WEATHER FORECAST UNLESS I'M FROM FINLAND

THEN AND NOW

Unfortunately, time gets us all in the end. Here is a selection of celebrity then and nows and god do they look bad

FAIL

A short collection of FAILS from the week

COMIC STRIP

JOKES

My mate said to me earlier "I challenge you to count 86400 seconds."

I said "Fuck off, that'll take me all day!".

I'm going on a date with a Japanese girl tomorrow, but I'm worried she won't like me.

I don't have a blurry cock.

What sort of person would go out for the evening leaving a young girl at home alone?

And whereabouts would they live?

I've just had a shit and realised there's no toilet paper.

After a few moments of wondering what to do, the cat strolled into the bathroom. I picked it up and did something I probably shouldn't have done.

Now I'm stuck here with no toilet paper, shit round my arsehole, and cat shit on my dick.

During one of our lessons I asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
"My Dad runs the fire station. He's the station officer." Said Simon.
"Very good Simon. Anyone else?"
"My Dad runs the local prison," piped up Billy.
"Excellent Billy. Is he the prison governor?" I asked.
"No Sir, he's just the hardest cunt in there."

Me and my son went to see Liverpool last night, and it lived up to expectations.

Our car was stolen.

VIDEOS