Session 43

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What a fun filled week we've had! Whitney Houston popping her clogs and Valentines day! A packed session this week full of shits and giggles. Apparently if I say the word porn, we are found more often on Google so here goes:

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Have a blinder and enjoy... porn

SONG OF THE DAY











PICS
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GIFS

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VALENTINES
So it was a hallmark holiday this week and good ol' internet was kind enough to produce a load of funnies for this romantic occasion.

AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!

KNOW YOUR MEME

There seems to be a new meme floating about the interwebs at the moment,  so we thought we would share some of the best with you.

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad: 

Old/used soccer equipment wanted for my kid. Will drive to pick up anywhere near Malvern. No calls, email only: ************@verizon.net

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

Hello,

I have a bunch of old soccer equipment that would be perfect for your daughter. I have soccer balls, nets, cleats, etc. Let me know specifically what you need and we can talk prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

Actually the stuff is for my son because I want to get him started in soccer. I'm in need of a practice net, soccer ball and kids size 6 cleats if you have them. Thanks.

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

My mistake, I assumed it was for your daughter because it is soccer. If that is the way you want to raise your son, I have some other items you may want to buy for him. I have a pink twirling baton with silver ribbons, and a cheerleader set consisting of two pom-poms, pink cheerleader bloomers, and a toy megaphone.

I'm charging $100 for the practice net, $20 for the ball, $25 for the baton, and $30 for the cheerleader set. I don't have kids size 6 cleats, but you don't really need cleats for soccer anyway. Your son could probably just use his bunny slippers.

Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

Well I'm definitely interested in kicking your fucking ass. One question, asshole: if you think soccer is so gay, why do you have soccer equipment, and a cheerleader set and baton?

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

Please, you aren't kicking anyone's ass. The fact that you are getting your son started in soccer instead of football says a lot about you as a man.

To answer your question, I have the baton and cheerleader set as trophies. When I was a kid, I used to go around the neighborhood and beat up all the other kids who played soccer and steal their stuff. I acquired the cheerleader set and baton from this one kid in the neighborhood, Caleb. I always knew that kid wasn't right - he used to ride around on a pink bike and always wanted to have tea parties with the other kids. I tried to help him by beating him up and stealing his baton, but I don't think it worked. I saw him in Philly a few years ago, blowing some guy in an alley. Anyway, I kept my gatherings in my shed out back as a testament to my manliness, but I need to make room for my new shotgun and power saw.

So do you want the stuff or not? I also have Brokeback Mountain on DVD. I ordered Die Hard, but that was sent to me in error. It sounds like a movie that you and your son would enjoy watching.

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

You must be so proud of what a big man you are with your shotgun and power saw.

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

You're goddamn right I am. It's just part of being a man, which you apparently know nothing about. Tell you what - forget the baton and cheerleader set. I want to help you. I'll sell you my shotgun for $1,700. It is a 10-gauge Remington that'll put some hair on your chest. Take your son hunting with it. There is nothing more manly than blowing a deer's head off and eating the raw venison from its neck.

Then, after you are done manning up, you can come back and I'll sell you some football equipment for your son. I'd hate to see him blowing Caleb in an alley in Philly some day.

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

How about you take your shotgun and stick it up your ass and pull the trigger? Go fuck yourself.

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

GOLDMAN SACHS

Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.

MD: I'm Ray Charles to that bullshit. Associate: Did u just quote Lil Wayne? MD: What? Its something my son says.

#1: "Saw this new kid on the floor wearing Ferragamo loafers." #2: "They used to throw stuff at you for that." #1: [nods]

Analyst #1: "100% he could tell I was hungover 2 days in a row." Analyst #2: "On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry?"

#1: "Are gingers part of our diversity program?" #2: "I'd rather have full-on alopecia than be ginger."

#1: My MD was leafing thru the Bonham's catalogue & dog-earred some Banksy screenprints. #2: That is everything that's wrong in the world.

#1: There is a special place in Hell for Paul Krugman. #2: Next to Ted Kennedy, who will forever have a whiskey bottle just out of reach

Analyst #1: She lives in Harlem. Analyst #2: What the f*ck. We do God's work, not social work.

#1: I was on Bloomberg Anywhere @ 4am. A sea of red. #2: Bloodbath. #1: F*cking Greece. #2: (looks @ coffee) Definitely a 'Venti' morning.

MD (to Associate): I tried listening to Hot 97, but honestly, sometimes I can't tell the difference between the songs and the commercials.

#1: I ate an entire pineapple for lunch. Liz is in for a treat tonight. #2: Good luck, Pavlov.

PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK

Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...

YE OLDE INTERNET

A collection of what some of the most famous websites in the world looked like when they first launched back in biblical times

WHITNEY HOUSTON

So... the crack finally caught up with her! On the flip side at least she will be able to now star in the sequel, The Bodybag... Don't boo me just yet. We have put together a collection of laughs surrounding her death

A candle lit Virgil

BUMPER STICKERS

So... you make bumper stickers for a living. How do make some real cheddar from it? Answer: Make them all offensive and then go "frapping" peoples cars with them. Here are some of the best

FAIL

A short collection of FAILS from the week

COMIC STRIP

JOKES

Kurt Cobain killed himself one month after Justin Bieber was born..

He knew.




Luis Suarez has apologised for not shaking hands with Evra.

"I didn't realise it was him," he said. "They all look the fucking same."




Whitney Houston to star in her new film. The Bodybag.




I've dedicated my life to getting under age prostitutes off the streets.

For an hour or so usually.






Whitney Houston died just hours after being asked to be a judge on the next season of X-Factor.

Personally I think she made the right decision.





My wife just called me.

She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."





Knock knock.......

Knock knock.......

Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock....

Hurry up Whitney, I need a shit.





And as my sperm swam towards her eggs, my wife shouted "What the fuck have you done to my fried breakfast!"

VIDEOS

  

TAKE A MOMENT TO FUN THIS WEEKEND

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