Welcome plebs to another dose of Therapy Sessions. We are really racking the numbers up. We have been getting a bunch of emails asking about the website and the podcast; so far we have done jack shit on both. It is coming though. We just need to work out how to make a website and get round to recording a podcast!
We were going to make this a Jubilee special and then we got bored and couldn't be arsed, backed up by the fact there wasn't much interesting stuff about the whole thing apart from the fact that almost everyone at the gig couldn't sing and Liz had ear plugs in!
Enough waffle, more fun. Enjoy...
SONG OF THE DAY
PICS
If you can't see the image properly, hold Ctrl and click on it
GIFS
If the GIF isn't moving, hold Ctrl and click on it
AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!
INNOCENT PORN
When things in life could be mis-read as porn!
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!
INNOCENT PORN
When things in life could be mis-read as porn!
DON'T EVEN REPLY
Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist
Original ad:
26 year old female who loves music looking for friendly male concert buddy.
i have tickets to see STS9 tomorrow night and am looking for someone to go with me to see them. you must be 420 friendly!
From Timmy Tucker to ***********@***********.org
Dear potential concert buddy,
I saw your ad and am very interested. I love music. About myself, I am a 25-year-old music loving male. I see all kinds of concerts and would love to check out STS9, I'm not quite sure what kind of music that is.
I am not sure what you mean by 420 friendly, however. Do you live near route 420? That isn't a problem for me, since it is kind of on the way to Philly anyway. Email me back if you want to go to the show with me.
Thank you,
Tim
From Stacey ***** to Me
hi tim. i wasn't talking about route 420...you have to be "cool" if you know what I mean.
stacey
From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****
Stacey,
Glad to hear back from you! Unfortunately I am a little confused. I am cool, at least my mother and co-workers say so. So if you want someone who is cool, I am your guy!
Tim
From Stacey ***** to Me
no i dont think you get me. you need to be down with the chronic lol. ya get me?
From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****
Stacey,
Are you talking about Dr. Dre's album The Chronic? I love hip hop! Is that what kind of music STS9 is? I assure you that I am "down" with that album. You can play it in the car on the way to the show if you like.
Tim
From Stacey ***** to Me
um no...ok i dont think you are the type person i want to go to the concert with no offense
From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****
Stacey,
I'm not sure why you suddenly decided not to go to the concert with me. I am kind of disappointed, because I just bought an ounce of headies and was looking for someone else to smoke it with. My other friend has tickets to go see bisco in Baltimore so I guess I'll just go with him.
Sorry we couldn't be friends,
Tim
From Stacey ***** to Me
wtf are you fucking serious? why were you being so dense about the 420 thing! and wtf you are seeing bisco but you never heard of sts9?
From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****
I'm not sure what you mean about the "420 thing." What are you talking about?
From Stacey ***** to Me
ugh nvm
FACEBOOK
This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook
WHEN ARCHITECTURE GOES WRONG
WHEN ARCHITECTURE GOES WRONG
GOLDMAN SACHS
Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.
#1: I'm long GBP against the Euro. RAVs will always flock to the UK, now more than ever. #RussiansArabsVillains
DCM#1: I read the entire internet by 10am this morning.
#1: Thanks to the economic crisis, waitressing got upgraded from a job to a career.
#1: BAC flirting with a $4-handle. #2: Time for Buffett to bust out his soapbox again.
#1: Last night, I brought new meaning to the term 'stimulus package.'
#1: I don't let my kids watch Lady Gaga. She has such a negative message... If you're ugly, you have to act like a freak.
Suit#1: Brooks Brothers? Suit#2: (Indignantly) Charvet.
#1: I always ask analyst candidates what their favorite movie is. It's hard not to judge somebody if their favorite movie sucks.
#1: Reason No. 427 why things will get worse before they get better. Seeing more people pay with credit cards at Starbucks.
#1: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs.
PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK
Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...
SOMETIMES THE NEWS ISN'T NEWS
a collection of fuck ups from the 'news'
ANIMAL FETUS
Animals in the womb
a collection of fuck ups from the 'news'
ANIMAL FETUS
Animals in the womb
FAIL
A short collection of FAILS from the week
SPACEDICKS
God help us. A collection of what the net is actually good for... Fucked up shit in all its forms
SPACEDICKS
God help us. A collection of what the net is actually good for... Fucked up shit in all its forms
JOKES
I was walking down The Mall with a friend yesterday when he turned to me and said, "Seeing all those flags on display makes me so proud of my country."
"But Chan, you're Chinese," I replied. "All those flags are British."
"No, they're not," he laughed. "Just take a look at the labels."
Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away,
or is it just one of Granny's myths?
A guy with a gun enters a bar.
"Who the fuck had sex with my wife?" he snarled.
A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets, mate!"
My six-year-old son caught me masturbating this morning.
He said, "What are you doing daddy?"
"It's called wanking," I replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why, daddy?" he asked.
"Because my arm is fucking killing me."
I typed 'Hell' instead of 'Hull' into my Sat-Nav.
I still got there.
I caught my son having sex today.
I then said to him, "Go to your room and think about what you have done!"
Five minutes later, I walked in to his room to find him having a wank.
"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best"
Sony 16:9
As I sat down in the pub with my pint, I put my Nokia 3310 on the table in front of me. My mate immediately burst out laughing and put his iPhone next to mine. I gave it a disdainful look.
"Why don't you get a better phone, mate?" he asked.
"I don't need one." I replied. "My phone does everything that I need and it's better than yours."
He burst out laughing again. "Better than mine?" he roared. "Mine has 3G, Wi-Fi, the iMessage service, a best-in-class browser, five megapixel camera, access to the App Store for virtually unlimited customisation plus a built-in iPod for all my music. If yours is better than mine, I'll give you my phone."
"I don't want your phone." I said, "Mine's the best, why would I want a second-best, second-hand phone? I tell you what, though, if I can prove that mine is better than yours, how about you give me the cash equivalent of your phone?"
"You're on!" he crowed. "Show me something with your phone and I'll show you how mine is better."
Casually, I knocked my phone off the table.
VIDEOS
HAVE A BLAST THIS WEEKEND
HAVE A BLAST THIS WEEKEND
Tweet
No comments:
Post a Comment