Tweet
Back to normal this week, no Vodka getting in the way of Therapy Sessions HQ getting their work done! Enjoy...
PICS
If you can't see the image properly, hold Ctrl and click on it
GIFS
If the GIF isn't moving, hold Ctrl and click on it
AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!
INVENTIONS YOU WISH YOU THOUGHT OF
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!
INVENTIONS YOU WISH YOU THOUGHT OF
DON'T EVEN REPLY
Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist
THIS WEEK WE CHOP IT UP A LITTLE AND FUCK WITH PEOPLE WHO APPLY FOR OUR AD
Original ad:
PLASMA HDTV - $850
I'm selling my 42" 720p Samsung Plasma TV (PN42A410). I bought it a year ago and there is nothing wrong with it. I just want to get a bigger TV with more P's.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
hey will you take $700 for it
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
You are asking me to drop the price by $150. I am willing to do this if you let me shoot you in the groin with my paintball gun 20 times in a row. You can't wear a cup. I get to set the velocity to 450 FPS.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
seriously?
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Yes. 20 shots and its yours.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
uhh no. hows $750 sound
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Do you have a girlfriend? If you do, and she is hot (I'll need pics), and she blows me, you can have the TV for $750. You can't watch either.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
fuck off dude
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Tell you what, I'll sell it to you for $900 and you won't have to do any of that stuff.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
wtf your ad said $850
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
I added $50 for you trying to haggle me. I'll remove this $50 haggling fee if you let me break an empty vodka bottle over your head.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
fuck off
----------------------------------
From **************@comcast.net to Me
A TV like that goes for $699 brand new at Best Buy. I'll give you $400 for it?
From Me to **************@comcast.net
For $400, I will cut the TV in half with a sawzall and give you half of it. Which half would you like? The left half has all of the HDMI inputs, and the right half has the power/channel/input buttons.
From **************@comcast.net to Me
I guess I'm going to Best Buy...
From Me to **************@comcast.net
WAIT! Before you go to Best Buy, consider my new offer:
I'll sell you the TV for my new low price of $800. Also, I was planning on leaving it on a paused frame of gay porn all weekend so it would be burned into the screen, but I won't do this if you accept my offer within the next 10 minutes.
-------------------
From cory ***** to Me
ill give you $600 cash for your tv
From Me to cory *****
Sounds good! When can you come get it?
From cory ***** to Me
where do you live?
From Me to cory *****
**** *******
From cory ***** to Me
well ya i know that but like whats your address
From Me to cory *****
I'm not telling you that. Sorry, but I just don't trust people from the internet.
From cory ***** to Me
well do you want to deliver it to my place?
From Me to cory *****
And get kidnapped? I don't think so.
Here's how it is going down: We'll meet Sunday afternoon in a crowded part of town. Lets say High St, by the courthouse. I'll be walking towards Market St and you'll be walking away from it at precisely 1:00 (when the courthouse clock goes off.) Have a black suitcase ready with $600 in unmarked, non-sequential US twenty-dollar bills. I'll have a suitcase as well, and be wearing a black suit. Tell me what you plan on wearing. We will accidentally bump into each other, drop our suitcases, and pick up the other person's suitcase and continue walking. The suitcase you pick up will have a key inside it to a 1998 Ford Econoline that will be parked on Miner Street. Use the key to open the back of the van, which will have the TV inside of it. Take the TV, and leave the key in the van. You will be watched so don't try anything funny. If the suitcase does not have $600 in it, the van will be destroyed.
Does this work for you?
From cory ***** to Me
no wtf
From Me to cory *****
why not?
FACEBOOK
This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook
INSPIRED COCKTAILS
INSPIRED COCKTAILS
PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK
Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...
FUCK YOU AMERICA
E-CARDS
So if these bastards in DC decide to ruin the internet, here’s how to access your favorite sites in the event of a DNS takedown
tumblr.com 174.121.194.34
wikipedia.org 208.80.152.201
# News
bbc.co.uk 212.58.241.131
aljazeera.com 198.78.201.252
# Social media
reddit.com 72.247.244.88
imgur.com 173.231.140.219
google.com 74.125.157.99
youtube.com 74.125.65.91
yahoo.com 98.137.149.56
hotmail.com 65.55.72.135
bing.com 65.55.175.254
digg.com 64.191.203.30
theonion.com 97.107.137.164
hush.com 65.39.178.43
gamespot.com 216.239.113.172
ign.com 69.10.25.46
cracked.com 98.124.248.77
sidereel.com 144.198.29.112
github.com 207.97.227.239
# Torrent sites
thepiratebay.org 194.71.107.15
mininova.com 80.94.76.5
btjunkie.com 93.158.65.211
demonoid.com 62.149.24.66
demonoid.me 62.149.24.67
# Social networking
facebook.com 69.171.224.11
twitter.com 199.59.149.230
tumblr.com 174.121.194.34
livejournal.com 209.200.154.225
dreamwidth.org 69.174.244.50
# Live Streaming Content
stickam.com 67.201.54.151
blogtv.com 84.22.170.149
justin.tv 199.9.249.21
chatroulette.com 184.173.141.231
omegle.com 97.107.132.144
own3d.tv 208.94.146.80
megavideo.com 174.140.154.32
# Television
gorillavid.com 178.17.165.74
videoweed.com 91.220.176.248
novamov.com 91.220.176.248
tvlinks.com 208.223.219.206
1channel.com 208.87.33.151
# Shopping
amazon.com 72.21.211.176
newegg.com 216.52.208.187
frys.com 209.31.22.39
# File Sharing
mediafire.com 205.196.120.13
megaupload.com 174.140.154.20
fileshare.com 208.87.33.151
multiupload.com 95.211.149.7
uploading.com 195.191.207.40
warez-bb.org 31.7.57.13
hotfile.com 199.7.177.218
gamespy.com 69.10.25.46
what.cd 67.21.232.223
warez.ag 178.162.238.136
putlocker.com 89.238.130.247
uploaded.to 95.211.143.200
dropbox.com 199.47.217.179
pastebin.com 69.65.13.216
Here’s a tip for the do-it-yourself crowd: Go to your computer’s Start menu, and either go to “run” or just search for “cmd.” Open it up, and type in “ping [website address],”
Once you have the IP for a website, all you really need to do is enter it like you would a normal URL and hit enter/press go. Typing in “208.85.240.231” should bring you to the front page of AO3, for example, just as typing “174.121.194.34/dashboard” should bring you straight to your Tumblr dashboard. Since we’re obviously bracing for the worst case scenario which would involve you not being able to access the internet regularly, you should, save this list.
E-CARDS
FAIL
A short collection of FAILS from the week
SPACEDICKS
God help us. A collection of what the net is actually good for... Fucked up shit in all its forms
SPACEDICKS
God help us. A collection of what the net is actually good for... Fucked up shit in all its forms
JOKES
A couple of weeks ago I knew nothing about the Olympics, now I can't wait for next year's.
Nothing beats a girl with really nice long hair.
Except Chris Brown.
Spelling is important, look! The difference between won and one:
Great Britain have just won gold.
Australia have just one gold.
The last person to question my masculinity got a face-full of piping hot lavender tea.
I see the Aussies aren't doing very well in the Olympics,
But then: if they could run, they wouldn't have been Australians in the first place.
I was suddenly awoken with a blow job this morning.
That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
A woman came into my doctor's surgery today.
After examining her I said, "Well, it looks like you're pregnant."
"Really?" she asked with excitement.
"Yes," I replied. "So lose some fucking weight."
VIDEOS
Tweet
No comments:
Post a Comment