Session 70

Follow @TherapySession2

Tweet


Before you write to Points of View, we know there is a spelling mistake in the header. Thats what you get when you hire Chinese children to do the work for you!

Another blinder this week with all the trimmings so make the most of it and if you have any ideas drop us an email to therapysessions@gmx.com

Enjoy...

SONG OF THE DAY

PICS

If you can't see the image properly, hold Ctrl and click on it

GIFS

If the GIF isn't moving, hold Ctrl and click on it

AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!

BLACK AND WHITE
Weird old black and white photos from yonder year

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad: 

Looking for permission to deer hunt (bow, shotgun) on a property in Bucks County. 

I am a very responsible hunter. Willing to compensate you for your permission.

From Me to ************@**********.org

Hi there!

I will let you hunt in my backyard. I live in an area that is infested with deer. You are more than welcome to kill as many of those white-tailed bastards from hell as you want.

I only have one small favor to ask - let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From Dennis ********* to Me:

Mike,

Thank you. I only plan on bagging one or two deer. Is your property available this weekend? What is your favor?

Dennis

From Me to Dennis *********:

Dennis,

If you are concerned about not having enough room in your truck to bring the deer back, don't worry about it. You can just leave the pile of carcases in my backyard and I'll take care of them. I'll probably just drop them down my neighbor's well, or put them in my wood burner. Burning dead deer makes my house smell nice.

The one favor I am asking of you shouldn't be that much of a problem. My neighbor has this goddamn cat that always wanders into my yard at night and meows. It wakes me up and I am unable to fall back asleep. Also, I can't tell you how many times I have stepped in cat shit on my patio. 

All I ask of you is that if you see my neighbor's cat wander into my yard, please blow that son-of-a-bitch straight to hell. Shotgun or crossbow, I don't care how you do it. Try to make it look like an accident though if my neighbor sees it happen.

This weekend is fine for me.

Mike

From Dennis ********* to Me:

How close is your neighbor's house? I was under the impression that you had a large plot of land. 

I feel uncomfortable with the idea of killing your neighbor's cat. Sorry.

From Me to Dennis *********:

My neighbor's house is about 50 yards from my house. Why won't you kill the cat? Just pretend it is a deer.

From Dennis ********* to Me:

The cat is someone's pet that they love. I won't kill it. I am willing to compensate you some other way. Have you had a talk with your neighbor about your problems with their cat? 

From Me to Dennis *********:

I don't believe this. A hunter that loves animals. Now I've seen everything. I can't talk to my neighbor - she has a restraining order on me from when I went over there and punted her cat like a football. 

Seriously, if you kill the cat, my neighbor will have no idea. I was thinking - you said you had a bow and arrow, right? Would you be able to get those arrows with the explosive tip, like the ones Rambo uses? That would surely blow the cat into unrecognizable pieces and my neighbor would never even be able to find it. 

From Dennis ********* to Me:

I'm fairly certain that those arrows are fictional. That is beyond the point because I am not shooting a cat. End of discussion.

From Me to Dennis *********:

Is this some kind of a joke? Are you from PETA? Just kill the goddamn cat and you can shoot all of the deer that you want. I'll even have the grill fired up so we can enjoy some freshly-killed venison.

Also, even if those arrows aren't real, they don't seem that hard to make. What about that thing that Arnold used in Predator? Didn't he just take grenade launcher rounds and tie them to an arrow? Try that. Do you have an M203? That would work even better.

From Dennis ********* to Me:

I'll find somewhere else to hunt, thanks.

From Me to Dennis *********:

I hope that while you are hunting, you miss your shot and accidentally kill a cat anyway, you pussy.

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

CAKE
Meme cakes and other shit

GOLDMAN SACHS

Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. It takes a certain type of person to thrive at GS. Here is an insight to what the 1% think.

#1: Mitt Romney would be the kid who tries to run out the clock in Madden football.

#1: If it weren't for Asians, Americans wouldn't look so fat. #2: Dude, New Yorkers make Americans look fat.

#1: Climbing Mount Everest is the hardest thing I've ever done on my résumé.

#1: It would totally suck if Prep for Prep deprived the world of the next Biggie Smalls.

#1: If they want Facebook allocations next year, they have to support us on Zynga now. #2: Surprised Facebook doesn't try a Google.

Skirt #1: Newt's an angry, smug, condescending philanderer. Suit #1: I know. He's awesome.

#1: A protester sees my Benz, and wants to rip me out of it. A real man sees my car, and wants to work hard so he can buy it one day.

#1: Most Brits aren't gay, but their socks are.

#1: Since the ECB doesn't have any real plan, they don't need a backup plan.

#1: Magazines dedicate entire issues to 'Women in Business.' #2: How much can you write about secretaries? #2 (to Skirt#1): Kidding.

PHILOSOPHY OF THE WEEK

Here's the deal. There is a dude on YouTube called Jay Herrod who's life mission is to upload weird videos of himself giving the world advice. Here is this weeks...

PICKETING
This is how you should protest

OLD SKOOL ADS FOR TODAYS PRODUCTS
Back by popular demand, more old skool products advertised like it was yesterday

FAIL

A short collection of FAILS from the week

SPACEDICKS
God help us. A collection of what the net is actually good for... Fucked up shit in all its forms

JOKES

My three-year-old son got into the bath with me last night.

"Why is your willy much longer and fatter than mine?"

"I don't know, daddy," he replied.







Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There's no need to remind him every six months about it.







I'm quite surprised at the short amount of time, "Oh, you're so funny! I just love a man with a great sense of humour!"

changes to:

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Is everything a fucking joke to you?!" in my relationships.







I woke up this morning and saw my wife sitting on the edge of the bed with two black eyes."

"What the fuck happened to you?" I asked.

"This is what happens when you drink 9 pints of lager," she replied.

"That's bullshit," I said, looking in the mirror, "I drank 9 pints of lager last night and my face is fine."







My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.

She nearly took my fucking eye out.







"Arch your back more!" I told Tom Daley, "...and, at the last second, lock your hips. That'll reduce the splash."


"Take your megaphone," he replied, "and get the fuck out of my toilet."







After our daughter was diagnosed with cancer, my wife decided to redecorate her bedroom all pink to cheer her up.

It's going to make my new gym look pretty gay.

VIDEOS




















































































HAVE A GREAT BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND

  

Follow @TherapySession2

Tweet