Session 76

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Back to a regular big ol' session this week. Don't forget to check Therapy Sessions radio out, which can be found on iTunes. We know its shit, but with each session it gets better I promise...

Enjoy...

SONG OF THE DAY
50 Years today, the first James Bond movie was released, so we thought we would have the best 007 theme song

PICS

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GIFS

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WHISKEY
How to drink whiskey like a boss

AUTOCORRECT
A collection of SMS messages that have gone slightly wrong!

FOOD + WORLD WAR = FOOD SAVING ADDS... obviously

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad: 

I need the help of a drywall expert to repair a large hole in our hallway wall. The hole is about three feet wide. You will need to bring all materials needed, but I will cover the cost. I can send pictures of the hole if requested.

Please respond with availability and a reasonable rate.

From Me to *************@*********.org

Hey,

I saw your ad and will be able to help you out. The best thing to do for dry wall holes is to tape over the entire hole with strips of duct tape, and then paint over the duct tape. If you have wallpaper, I could just put wallpaper over the hole. That would be even easier. After the repair, nobody should lean up on the wall or it will probably tear again. I suggest hanging a picture over the hole. I have some old framed pictures of Bon Jovi that I could bring and install over the hole.

I am available all week, and my rate is $25/hr. When can I stop by?

-Dan

From Brittany ********* to Me

Hi Dan! Thanks for the quick response. Sounds good! I will forward this e-mail to my husband and he'll get back to you ASAP. 

Thanks!

Brit

From Bryan ********* to Me

Dan,

My wife sent me your email, but I don't think she actually read/understood what you wrote. If you are serious, then we don't need your help. I hope that isn't how you actually repair things. Regardless, I will tell my wife to actually read the emails before sending them to me.

Regards,

Bryan

From Me to Bryan **********

Good afternoon Brian, 

Your wife doesn't sound too smart. I was going to recommend Hooked on Phonics, but she seems to be capable of writing. I think she just does not have the ability to comprehend what she is reading. I have a cousin who is "slow", and there is this really good remedial school in Philly that he went to. They offer some classes that help with reading comprehension. If you want, I can look up the school and send the information to your wife. 

- Dan

From Bryan ********* to Me

Heh heh, that might be just what she needs...

From Me to Bryan **********

CC: Brittany *********

Great! I'm forwarding our conversation to your wife, along with the school information.

The name of the school is "Smithbridge School for Special People," and you can call them at (***)-***-2195.

From Bryan ********* to Me

Oh boy...please don't...

From Brittany ********* to Me

What a jerk you are. Excuse me for being busy and quickly browsing through your letter. Go to hell!

From Me to Brittany *********

Brit, you should really consider this school. It might not seem like it, but they actually can help you. It did wonders for my cousin. He used to just stay at home with his aunt all day, but now he has a great job at McDonalds. Please, just give them a call.

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

BE CAREFUL WHO YOU TEXT
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FAIL

A short collection of FAILS from the week

JOKES

I walked into Greggs and said to the cashier, "I've just bought a sandwich from you, I took one bite and 2 teeth fell out."

"Maybe you bit down too hard?" she replied.

"They're not my teeth."

I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, "Not only does my son have a stupid name, but he's also a shit driver".

"I can't wait 2 C U tonight. XXX"

"Me neither. The Pacifier."

"The Pacifier? WTF?"

"Sorry, I thought we were ending our texts with Vin Diesel movies."

Over the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything.

I'm amazed that so many people choose to be complete fucking twats.

The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.

The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.

VIDEOS

  

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